Slang soulmate

Noun. imzadi (plural imzadis) (fandom slang) A person with whom one shares a profound spiritual bond; a soulmate. Acrylic on canvas, by me.

2020.11.18 09:31 AmbassadorWorf Noun. imzadi (plural imzadis) (fandom slang) A person with whom one shares a profound spiritual bond; a soulmate. Acrylic on canvas, by me.

Noun. imzadi (plural imzadis) (fandom slang) A person with whom one shares a profound spiritual bond; a soulmate. Acrylic on canvas, by me. submitted by AmbassadorWorf to UnitedFederation [link] [comments]


2020.11.18 08:32 PurpleKushGirl Noun. imzadi (plural imzadis) (fandom slang) A person with whom one shares a profound spiritual bond; a soulmate. Acrylic on canvas, by me.

Noun. imzadi (plural imzadis) (fandom slang) A person with whom one shares a profound spiritual bond; a soulmate. Acrylic on canvas, by me. submitted by PurpleKushGirl to TNG [link] [comments]


2020.11.13 11:01 ZeroScreams Type me?

25, F. I'm a lost soul pulling through, pretty optimistic and pushing on life, enjoying my family and my pets and coffee. Lately I've lost myself so I'm not sure of what I should write, I'm both entertaining, enthusiastic and enjoy lots of fun but also obsessive, a perfectionist, sensitive and unstable. I don't have much friends, only a couple online. I love music, TV Shows - big fan of The Umbrella Academy atm, movies in general, and my tastes have gone from horror to superheroes to true crime and classic literature. I have huge trouble to commit, I jump from one thing to the other real fast. I've been told that I'm both very fastidious and cynical but also kind and generous, I don't like people but I also love some of them dearly, mostly fictitious or famous. New experiences excite me a lot, new ice cream flavors, new tattoos, new food, but my depression has compromised all my desire to break free.
Major Depression and anxiety disorders.
I went to church when I was little because of traditions but it never had a meaning to me. I'm an atheist, and my family accepted it easily.
I don' work at the moment.
I would feel search for something to kill the time with since I imagine I'd get bored very easily. I like having fun with my family so I would miss it after a while, but I like being free from commitments with other people so that's positive.
I like going outside to walk my dog, taking as an opportunity to jog. I like events like concerts, plays, anything that makes me curious but I get annoyed easily. I don't do any sport right now because of Covid but I plan to go to the gym someday, plus the idea of doing some sport has always seemed fun and cool. However, I've never got into sports that much and I'm a big goof. I always preferred more hobbies like reading or painting but it's something I more so impose myself to do, becoming knowledgeable and an intellectual has been an ideal I always looked up to but I don't have the focus or patience to accomplish it sadly. It's a great disappointment...I am drawn more to playing a videogame like Mario or Pokémon and watch Youtube, just something more funny and chill.
I've been lost in my ideas and potential opportunities a lot to the point of not being as successful as I would like to be. I always have a new plan to get into working and do stuff, new hobbies and new looks, but I've jumped so much from one to another to lose myself completely. I don't know who I am anymore.
If I didn't suffer so much from anxiety and wasn't so insecure, leading a group on a project or being the creative mind behind would be cool! I'm the kind of person who wants to do everything perfect, and don't accept others' opinions easily, I search for insights only if I'm totally in chaos and I can't help myself. I believe I work better alone, if I was to lead a group I could probably become impatient with my colleagues...But again, through all my life I've become very fragile because of many events so maybe I'd fail.
From 1 to 10, I'd say 6 1/2. I like the act of drawing and all the mediums, I want to become good at all the hobbies I tried, knitting gave me the most pleasurable and relaxing experience of my life. I'm not too clumsy but I can miss a lot of physical stuff around me.
I'm not a huge huge talented creative person but the idea of becoming good at painting and drawing has always gave me the motivation of at least trying, but I'll admit, I never keep at it so long to actually improve. I give up too early. I like creating stories in my head and I've envisioned myself becoming an artist in many mediums. I like art but it hasn't been a constant in my life, again, I'm too quick to jump from one thing to the other, it's very messy. I like dark, grotesque and freaky art, but I'm a big fan of Impressionism.
I've planned for my future for years but never established a definite plan. I'm more excited about my future which is the reason I'm so optimistic 'cause I believe there is always something good around the corner for everyone. The present is made to be lived and should be used in the best way possible, the past is full of sadness and bad memory, better forget about it.
I always give up on helping, I'm awful at saying no. Lately I've discovered that I mostly help people because I want approval and admiration from them, or to get closer and bond with someone I like. I'm not sure it comes extremely natural but I try myself.
Yes but it's not the most important thing. We should also have an inspiration and purpose to follow in life. I want to be constant on what I'm working on in life. I'm an impulsive person and scatterbrained as well though.
Huge importance, work hard to get what you want in your life. Make the most of it, life is too precious, and gosh I wish I was following my own advice. Under stress I become a sloth, but in my best state of mind I love being productive. Depression is a bitch.
No, but I'm very very critical of others. I let them be but inside me there is something that wants to explode and tell people how things are and how irrational, self important they look. But I don't act on it, I have no reason to control others and no benefits. I'm a control freak with everything inside my head, with myself, that's for sure.
Listening to music, even though I go from genre to another from one day to the other fast (classical, metal, folk, IDM) music can be so pleasant, beautiful melodies, rythms, moods and variety. I like fun and light videogames, short ones with a good setting and interesting mechanism, I'm drawn to competitive ones, I always want to be the best and perform well and if I don't I get upset. I like to watch movies and TV Series but I don't have a very good focus so I don't finish a lot of stuff, but when I do I feel a Goddess! I've done a lot of reading in my life but the most I can do right now is short stories, 100 pages more or less. I watch Youtube but it's more of a coping mechanism when I fall into my awful sloth mode.
At school I was good with writing, or at least when going off the rails was okay because I was never able to stick to the prompt a lot. My memory is very good, and was what gave me the best and easiest high grades. When I was younger I was the good at drawing kid in class.
I definitely like plans and lists to follow through, and I perform well when I'm on a fixed routine. I jump right in with some stuff though so I don't even know what I'm doing, if it doesn't work I just throw it off. I'm not good at following through because I get exhausted and impatient like nothing.
Living life in the fullest way possible, accomplishing what I dream and want, pull through everything bad in life, not giving up, being liked by those I want to be liked from. Being free from external influences, productive, focused, recognized as the best - BE the best.
Accomplishing one big thing which will make me go, "YOU DID WELL". Finding my soulmate, travel, being free from external obbligations, dictating my own future, thrive in life.
I'm scared of wasting my life. I get uncomfortable and cringe hard with people who act stupid or make bad judgments, who are total assholes to everyone who has it worst, who are self-important and believe they are untouchable and self-righteous. I'm not a big fan of new slangs or trends, or just silly unreasonable delusional people who don't have anything to do. Do mind, if I find something funny and cool I'm all about it but I'm very detached from social medias or the new online cultures. What I hate most is selfish egoistic "I'm always right and the important one " people and yes, I hope I'm not too much of an hypocrite. Those who don't care what impact on other people and their surrounding they have, who think only about themselves and that they're in a good place and others can just go fuck themselves and suffer, are the worst.
I become excited, enthusiast, I love to crack jokes, be sort of a clown to entertain who I love, have lots of fun. I'm optimistic for my future and excited about everything, even the little things.
I become slothful, without inspirations, tired, but also obsessive and paranoid about what should I do daily or for my future.
I snap easily from my imagination and thinking, I'm not focused even in my own brain. Still, sometimes I just switch off and start creating scenarios in my head. I'd say I merge into my surroundings, in the music I'm listening, everything I'm touching, I know it's there but at the same I forget about it.
I get bored and impatient. I would probably become apathetic.
A short time but I've changed it so, so much I don't know who I am anymore. I can be indecisive and impulsive, and both have caused me a lot of problems.
I process my emotions fast, in one minute I will forget what I was sad about and make myself switch mood like nothing happened. I think emotions can be important if they are behind our greatest objectives in life, if they push us to believe in our purpose that's incredible. If rage makes you a great wrestler, if sadness makes you a good songwriter, then emotions are valuable and precious.
Yes, I don't want to cause trouble and I don't want to hurt anyone, also I'm a huge people pleaser. I will keep a conversation going even if I don't want 'cause I feel obligated to the other person, and I don't want to disappoint.
If the law works, we should follow it. Good rules are to be respected. When they are defective they must be improved.
Being accomplished and happy, free to travel but living in my own corner in the world.
submitted by ZeroScreams to WhatsmyMBTI [link] [comments]


2020.11.12 17:09 ZeroScreams Giving it another try...type me?

25, F. I'm a lost soul pulling through, pretty optimistic and pushing on life, enjoying my family and my pets and coffee. Lately I've lost myself so I'm not sure of what I should write, I'm both entertaining, enthusiastic and enjoy lots of fun but also obsessive, a perfectionist, sensitive and unstable. I don't have much friends, only a couple online. I love music, TV Shows - big fan of The Umbrella Academy atm, movies in general, and my tastes have gone from horror to superheroes to true crime and classic literature. I have huge trouble to commit, I jump from one thing to the other real fast. I've been told that I'm both very fastidious and cynical but also kind and generous, I don't like people but I also love some of them dearly, mostly fictitious or famous. New experiences excite me a lot, new ice cream flavors, new tattoos, new food, but my depression has compromised all my desire to break free.
Major Depression and anxiety disorders.
I went to church when I was little because of traditions but it never had a meaning to me. I'm an atheist, and my family accepted it easily.
I don' work at the moment.
I would feel search for something to kill the time with since I imagine I'd get bored very easily. I like having fun with my family so I would miss it after a while, but I like being free from commitments with other people so that's positive.
I like going outside to walk my dog, taking as an opportunity to jog. I like events like concerts, plays, anything that makes me curious but I get annoyed easily. I don't do any sport right now because of Covid but I plan to go to the gym someday, plus the idea of doing some sport has always seemed fun and cool. However, I've never got into sports that much and I'm a big goof. I always preferred more hobbies like reading or painting but it's something I more so impose myself to do, becoming knowledgeable and an intellectual has been an ideal I always looked up to but I don't have the focus or patience to accomplish it sadly. It's a great disappointment...I am drawn more to playing a videogame like Mario or Pokémon and watch Youtube, just something more funny and chill.
I've been lost in my ideas and potential opportunities a lot to the point of not being as accomplished as I would like to be. I always have a new plan to get into working and do stuff, new hobbies and new looks, but I've jumped so much from one to another to lose myself completely. I don't know who I am anymore.
If I didn't suffer so much from anxiety and wasn't so insecure, leading a group on a project or being the creative mind behind would be cool! I'm the kind of person who wants to do everything perfect, and don't accept others' opinions easily, I search for insights only if I'm totally in chaos and I can't help myself. I believe I work better alone, if I was to lead a group I could probably become impatient with my colleagues...But again, through all my life I've become very fragile because of many events so maybe I'd fail.
From 1 to 10, I'd say 6 1/2. I like the act of drawing and all the mediums, I want to become good at all the hobbies I tried, knitting gave me the most pleasurable and relaxing experience of my life. I'm not too clumsy but I can miss a lot of physical stuff around me.
I'm not a huge huge talented creative person but the idea of becoming good at painting and drawing has always gave me the motivation of at least trying, but I'll admit, I never keep at it so long to actually improve. I give up too early. I like creating stories in my head and I've envisioned myself becoming an artist in many mediums. I like art but it hasn't been a constant in my life, again, I'm too quick to jump from one thing to the other, it's very messy. I like dark, grotesque and freaky art, but I'm a big fan of Impressionism.
I've planned for my future for years but never established a definite plan. I'm more excited about my future which is the reason I'm so optimistic 'cause I believe there is always something good around the corner for everyone. The present is made to be lived and should be used in the best way possible, the past is full of sadness and bad memory, better forget about it.
I always give up on helping, I'm awful at saying no. Lately I've discovered that I mostly help people because I want approval and admiration from them, or to get closer and bond with someone I like. I'm not sure it comes extremely natural but I try myself.
Yes but it's not the most important thing. We should also have an inspiration and purpose to follow in life. I want to be constant and have a perfect scheme to work on though. I'm an impulsive person and scatterbrained as well though.
Huge importance, work hard to get what you want in your life. Make the most of it, life is too precious, and gosh I wish I was following my own advice. Under stress I become a sloth, but in my best state of mind I love being productive. Depression is a bitch.
No, but I'm very very critical of others. I let them be but inside me there is something that wants to explode and tell people how things are and how irrational, self important they look. But I don't act on it, I have no reason to control others and no benefits. I'm a control freak with everything inside my head, with myself, that's for sure.
Listening to music, even though I go from genre to another from one day to the other fast (classical, metal, folk, IDM) music can be so pleasant, beautiful melodies, rythms, moods and variety. I like fun and light videogames, short ones with a good setting and interesting mechanism, I'm drawn to competitive ones, I always want to be the best and perform well and if I don't I get upset. I like to watch movies and TV Series but I don't have a very good focus so I don't finish a lot of stuff, but when I do I feel a Goddess! I've done a lot of reading in my life but the most I can do right now is short stories, 100 pages more or less. I watch Youtube but it's more of a coping mechanism when I fall into my awful sloth mode.
At school I was good with writing, or at least when going off the rails was okay because I was never able to stick to the prompt a lot. My memory is very good, and was what gave me the best and easiest high grades. When I was younger I was the good at drawing kid in class.
I definitely like plans and lists to follow through, and I perform well when I'm on a fixed routine. I jump right in with some stuff though so I don't even know what I'm doing, if it doesn't work I just throw it off. I'm not good at following through because I get exhausted and impatient like nothing.
Living life in the fullest way possible, accomplishing what I dream and want, pull through everything bad in life, not giving up, being liked by those I want to be liked from. Being free from external influences, productive, focused, recognized as the best - BE the best.
Accomplishing one big thing which will make me go, "YOU DID WELL". Finding my soulmate, travel, being free from external obbligations, dictating my own future, thrive in life.
I'm scared of wasting my life. I get uncomfortable and cringe hard with people who act stupid or make bad judgments, who are total assholes to everyone who has it worst, who are self-important and believe they are untouchable and self-righteous. I'm not a big fan of new slangs or trends, or just silly unreasonable delusional people who don't have anything to do. Do mind, if I find something funny and cool I'm all about it but I'm very detached from social medias or the new online cultures. What I hate most is selfish egoistic "I'm always right and the important one " people and yes, I hope I'm not too much of an hypocrite. Those who don't care what impact on other people and their surrounding they have, who think only about themselves and that they're in a good place and others can just go fuck themselves and suffer, are the worst.
I become excited, enthusiast, I love to crack jokes, be sort of a clown to entertain who I love, have lots of fun. I'm optimistic for my future and excited about everything, even the little things.
I become slothful, without inspirations, tired, but also obsessive and paranoid about what should I do daily or for my future.
I snap easily from my imagination and thinking, I'm not focused even in my own brain. Still, sometimes I just switch off and start creating scenarios in my head. I'd say I merge into my surroundings, in the music I'm listening, everything I'm touching, I know it's there but at the same I forget about it.
I get bored and impatient. I would probably become apathetic.
A short time but I've changed it so, so much I don't know who I am anymore. I can be indecisive and impulsive, and both have caused me a lot of problems.
I process my emotions fast, in one minute I will forget what I was sad about and make myself switch mood like nothing happened. I think emotions can be important if they are behind our greatest objectives in life, if they push us to believe in our purpose that's incredible. If rage makes you a great wrestler, if sadness makes you a good songwriter, then emotions are valuable and precious.
Yes, I don't want to cause trouble and I don't want to hurt anyone, also I'm a huge people pleaser. I will keep a conversation going even if I don't want 'cause I feel obligated to the other person, and I don't want to disappoint.
If the law works, we should follow it. Good rules are to be respected. When they are defective they must be improved.
Being accomplished and happy, free to travel but living in my own corner in the world.
submitted by ZeroScreams to MbtiTypeMe [link] [comments]


2020.10.14 10:50 slavianna Recently acceptance in BDSM council

Dear all, I would like to brough up my recently experiance to vise and hope real BDSM members. All started with surfing over IG accounts.Have at that time to kill some hours and decided to look some interesting posts and people.Dont know how much followings at that time I click.After one day pop up msg in my inbox, startet alway with HI! But rhis one was diferent from begining and hoted my attention: Thanks for following my official only fans page , I'm Miss ...... X, May I ask what are you into ? xYou're welcome to my world of fantasy , how old are you and how long have you been a FAN of me ? XLol it's okay, are you a real submissive man ? Word after word not to much pass and she ask me if I am interested in been her subs. For me at that time didnt know what is meaning of that word.Slowly I cath main basic thing,slangs and good and worse thing can happen in new world of pleasure. Decided to step in and to explore it,together with my kinks. Hoped that realy found real soulmate for that even if I am happy married and have kids.Some risk was in play but wonted to know how it will go. Then I got realy nice instruction and sugestion from some very nice people in BDSM world, which start to open my eyes. Yes I paid for tribute 100usd and got "Lows of my Domm" but after that was more coming. It was asked to make innorder to be accepted as subs-slave need to fill "Aplication for Consideration" form and after BDSM-contract.Now come interesting part! All this fee for paper work was 500usd to be paid over "familie & friends" paypall option or "Gift cards". Lucky for me I hot pointed to yours application in which I sow it, similar case hahaha. I was realy ready to pay ammount stated,despute all, I am person who believe in honesty and root(core) of BDSM which is "TRUTH". So I start to question my Domm, yes I know that is not alowed but what to do,I descovered on this path that I will be a subs but that one colled "BRAT" hehe. Finaly I sad "BY-BY" to my Domm, since he did not provide truth answers as evidence of her rwal intentions.Over the all story at same time I had communication with representative of BDSM-Council, Yes if such thing exist at all. There was in play some penalties and at end blackmail from my Goddess Domm that she will sent 1 video of my firs task to all my associates and wife. Becide the fact that she sad to me that all is secret and confident with her to fully trust her.
Just sad to her, go ahead, I go now back to Vanilla world,duties call.By
I hope that point of story you probably know already,but scammers like this on start of steping in yours wonderfull world make a lot of damage and bad picture.
Thank you for your time which you will spend to read and consider my first post.Yes I read all yours 10 rules and that is good,real BDSM community will akt like that and will never do nothing against their own kind. Sincerely yours Slavianna.
submitted by slavianna to BDSMAdvice [link] [comments]


2020.10.10 00:31 star_gazer96 [S1] Finished my second playthrough of 'Life is Strange' more than a week ago, and I have a little confession... (discussion/mini-review)

Yeah, I took my time getting round to it, but I felt like doing another one of these. This won't be quite as much me gushing over the game, like I did with my recent first playthrough of BtS, seeing as this is not my first time experiencing this story.
That's not to say I didn't love it, or get emotional as hell - this game is so endearing for how raw, emotional, and unapologetically itself it is. As well as that, the emotional impact of the game was only strengthened by having played BTS this time! Even though I've been through it before, I swear I deliberated over that ending choice for a full 10-15 minutes (even longer than last time!). However, I chose 'Sacrifice Chloe' again. I'm sorry, even if it really hurt and I love her so much, I couldn't justify letting an entire town die, even for her...
As to the little confession I have, which might get me ripped apart on this subreddit: before this playthrough, I NEVER shipped Max and Chloe. Like, at all. It sounds so weird to say that, because now I ship them like they're bloody soulmates! Especially after that ending kiss... I don't know, I just always saw the story as former best friends reconnecting, not reconnecting and discovering attraction between them. No idea what changed in me in the three years between playthroughs, but I have such a different view of the story and characters, I feel like I've seen through the goddamn Matrix.
There we are. My second playthrough was quite different from my first, in terms of how I viewed the story and characters, but I still love the emotional rollercoaster that is 'Life is Strange', after all this time. I won't keep you much longer, I just thought I'd include, like last time, a little mini review with my general thoughts on the game (positives top, negatives bottom):
I thought I'd put this as a discussion again, as I welcome agreements/disagreements, or just thoughts in general!
submitted by star_gazer96 to lifeisstrange [link] [comments]


2020.09.02 04:47 high_priestess23 Pisces Full Moon Message

I'm a pisces moon and this full moon affects me.
Intuitive writing. All intuitive...don't judge.
Just wanted to send out a message...mainly because I can't sleep.
Just like my emotions they won't be in order. Nothing ever is in order. Nothing. My emotions are chaotic and I don't care. I'm no virgo moon.
It concerns my jetlag situation.
I like to refer to being born in this world and time as my 'jetlag situation' because reincarnation feels like a huge jetlag to me and I still haven't adapted to this life despite living here for over 30 years.
I chose this time...big fan of the aquarius internet age. Expression. Want to dye my hair and get tattoes and piercings and dance to electronic music and try drugs and use the internet. Be online, chats. People have sex online. Eroticism new age online. Higher self likes this age and those topics. I feel future future. But my Higher Self knows more about the future. Things aren't going to be great. I know.
Path of TRUTH means understanding unconvenient truths, lies and illusions. We know.
I often feel clingy and needy. I need someone to take care. I feel lonely.
On a totally different note:
At this point I have no idea who my TF is (blah blah I'm in denial a lot if things don't go as expected/wanted, stubborn child).
Love to use slang like a current teen.
Here's the tea (sip it while it's hot, I'm gonna give ya da sugar):
I'm super salty.
Higher Self is asking me: Girl, you popcorn? Because you saalty.
Honestly: I genuinely don't know what kind of relationship me and my TF had in a past life (and don't really know/remember what we were or did) but dang I know for sure that I miss it and I'm super salty it's not how it used to be.
I (only speaking of myself here) would have preferred things as they were. If a fairy came and was like: You and your TF could have exactly the same thing you two had in your pastife in a minute...I'd go: "For sure!"
However, I know my TF wouldn't. No idea if I have been doing him wrong but I know he prefers the kind of life he's having right now.
Not sure about soulmates and karmics. Where my karmics at?
Salty about people who 👏 did 👏 not 👏 choose 👏 to 👏 incarnate 👏 in 👏 this 👏 dimension
YOU HEARD ME
Sugar Sugar Sugar for my guides Also cinnemon
Don't be too hard on me. I know I need strict guidance but srsly...needy clingy pisces moon child...needs LOVE 💚
My Guides and my TF aren't the same person
Like idk...they are guidy guidy alien from a different dimension love friend thingies
Love my alien friends. Cuddles.
submitted by high_priestess23 to twinflames [link] [comments]


2020.08.24 17:48 UziBeenHoopin Big Mum's character arc

I must have read a comment saying that Big Mum's remark of 'Cat Burglar' is Japanese slang for Husband stealing or seducing a married man. This idea when looked at into the context that when a couple become married, they become soulmates. This could be a subtle hint from Oda foreshadowing Zeus gaining free will and thus choosing Nami over Big Mum or in a different sense being seduced by Nami. Think about it. Big Mum having the soul soul devil fruit, which specifically takes and gives souls to objects, So Big Mum having her own soul betray her to join Nami would be a fitting end to her character arc.
You see her amnesia and her hunger tantrums could be a direct issue of her giving away her souls to tangible objects.Looking at how Big Mum steals people's souls and life span forcefully away from them and in turn loses her own soul stolen from her making BM in other terms, a shell of her younger self, so what happens in wano is that Kaido is defeated and Big Mum does not becomes incompetent becoming non-threatening. Then Katakuri could step in and become the leader of the Big Mum pirates and thus the Old generation of pirates are taken out of the picture and the new generation battle out for the One Piece. This could be a fire way to reach Big Mum's character conclusion, the irony would be crazy.
I mean you look at the themes of one piece being freedom and Luffy's personal dream of being the most free in the world and the least free thing in one piece is probably the soul, the way its chained down to the person, this would be the most appropriate way for Zeus to become a straw hat.

TL;DR: Big Mum has her freedom snatched away from her, in the same context as she did to Pedro and all the other citizens of WCI.
submitted by UziBeenHoopin to OnePiece [link] [comments]


2020.06.25 03:36 throwaway336754 My [24/f] fiance [33/m] has gotten way too into The Sopranos...

Using a throwaway because a lot of my friends know my username and this is honestly pretty embarrassing both for me and my fiance.
My fiance and I have been dating for about 3 years now (engaged for one) and while we've had our ups and downs things have been pretty great. He's kind, smart, and is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with...well that's at least how I felt until these past couple months.
Due to COVID we both have been spending much more time at home since late March since my classes for grad school were moved online and he now only goes into the office once a week. To help pass the time we decided to binge some classic shows we missed, and the first one we watched was the Sopranos. We got through it pretty quickly, and while I liked it my fiance LOVED it. So much so, that he started rewatching it the next day even though we had made plans to watch madmen next. This is when things started getting a little weird.
This rewatch took him a ridiculously short time to complete since he literally watched it all day: while "working from home," while we ate and he usually falls asleep with it on. He also has started acting like the mobsters in the show. It started with him yelling "OHH" really loudly everytime he enters a room or is surprised by something which I actually found kind of funny. But then it got more intense and strange, there's honestly too much to write but here's a list of "highlights" from the past couple of months:
If I ever try to confront him about this childish nonsense he tells me he's "just breaking balls" and doesn't think I should take it seriously. He then throws my own binge watching (which I started doing since I would rather not watch the same damn show 24/7) in my face if I tell him he needs to take a break.
My fiance was such a good man, and I still think he's probably my soulmate. But I just can't take this craziness any longer, and I don't think I can live with a man who does nothing but imitate fictional people all day.
submitted by throwaway336754 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2020.05.06 06:07 AstroAntics Fake YanSim Achievements

The achievements will follow this format:
Name - Description (Actual requirements and reference, if there is one)
Murder Achievements
Bloodied Hands - Kill someone (not a rival) for the first time. (Kill someone with a barbell, baseball bat, Magical Girl Wand, trap, electric fountain, saw, katana...anything but the fire trap or knife. No reference.)
187 - Kill someone (not a rival) with a knife for the first time. (Self-explanatory. Refers to the police code for homicide).)
Karma Houdini - Get away with killing someone. (Kill someone and be released at the end of the day. Refers to the TV Trope.)
The Guard's Gone - Kill Raibaru. (Self explanatory. Refers to Raibaru being Osana's bodyguard.)
Rival-Specific Achievements
Generic Achievements
Other Achievements
submitted by AstroAntics to yandere_simulator [link] [comments]


2019.09.09 08:07 AshleyChampagne I'm in a stable relationship, but still not sure I'm over someone else...should I end things?

So a little more than a year ago, I (a girl) developed strong feelings for a close girl friend of mine. Let's call her X. She was the first real girl I had feeling for (helped me realize I was bisexual, I was also in high school at the time), and she was also a very good friend. We had so much in common, it was almost creepy. Same music, same movies, same fashion sense, same slang--we were like this because we were inseparable, and we were inseparable because we were like this. I know falling for your best friend is gay culture, and tbh I'm living proof. We would text long into the night, about everything--except of course, my feelings for her. I felt like I could confess my darkest secrets to her. Like we were soulmates. Then one day, out of the blue, she cut me off. I didn't ask X why she cut me off, of course, because nothing like this had happened to me before. Never in my life had someone straight-up ignored me after being so close. It felt awful--I sunk into a really deep depression. I would text her then stare at my phone for hours, waiting for a response. Stuff happened, really harmful stuff I did to myself that I'm not going to talk about.
Then, a little later--I met a new girl. I'll call her Y. While X likes dark humor and edgy jokes and interests, Y has been just a ray of sunshine. She never stops being sweet and kind, and she texts with emoji hearts and smiley faces galore. To a depressed borderline-emo, Y felt like a godsend. I'm still really glad she came into my life. Shortly after she did, Y became my first serious girlfriend. (I asked her, in case that's important.) We've been dating over five months now, and so far things with Y have been...good. We haven't kissed much, but we have kissed and cuddled and done other standard couple stuff. She's met my parents and close friends. I do like her a lot, and I know she likes me.
The problem? X. X recently popped back up in my life again. She sent me a long apology message, telling me she was sorry for the way she treated me. She seemed so mature and kind in the texts she sent me. No snark, just an honest and detailed apology she needed me to read. We exchanged maybe five messages, but they felt like the most meaningful and long messages I've ever written, or received. She was honestly willing to accept what I said and answer my questions. She had struggled with depression too--and a consequence of that being she cut people off from her life when she really shouldn't have. She has problems, she said, that she just can't live with anymore. She told me I was, without a doubt, the friend she felt the most open towards, and close to. I was special to her. It wasn't just a weird fantasy of mine--we really had a special bond. All of my hatred towards her just kind of melted away. Now I'm left with a bunch of pent-up feelings. And I hate myself for saying that one of them is attraction. X is still the girl I fell head over heels for. And I've missed her so, so much. She's my dream girl, or at least as close to a dream girl I'll ever get. Still, I know she doesn't like me. I don't know her sexuality, but I know she doesn't want me. One time when we had to share a hotel room (fancy class trip, long story), she slept on the wooden floor. It was the preferable alternative to sleeping next to me, in a king-sized bed. For all I know she might be ace/aro--she never talks about having feelings for anybody.
Now I'm really conflicted. I like Y, I do. But when I'm with her, I don't feel the same please-touch-me-please-love-me obsessive feeling I had (and apparently still have) for X. Then again, my relationship with Y is stable, good and healthy. She's a great person, and I know she'd never hurt me or lead me on, like I'm worried I'm doing to her. Does anyone have any advice on what to do? I don't want anyone to be hurt, and I'm also just so confused.
submitted by AshleyChampagne to relationship_advice [link] [comments]


2019.07.25 13:04 ANormalCartoonNerd Super Penguino Question

Super Penguino Question
I heard about Super Penguino possibly being slang for something recently (I should have known earlier, I know . . . ):

Woah!
Now that I heard about this, I slightly feel like writing a fan fiction/AU of Miraculous where Super Penguino (as an actual video game), despite being playable for any 2 people . . . can only be finished successfully by a pair of soulmates.

Does that already exist? Let me know!
submitted by ANormalCartoonNerd to miraculousladybug [link] [comments]


2019.06.30 05:48 in-godzilla-we-trust What some LGBTQ+ terms mean [Trigger Warning]

(I apologize if some of these are wrong. Please correct me if I am wrong. I spent 6+ hours trying to make sure that each one was accurate.)
Lesbian: A sexual/romantic identity used when a female is attracted to other females.
Gay: A sexual/romantic identity used when a male is attracted to other males. The term 'gay' is also used as an umbrella term for the LGBTQ+ community occasionally.
Bisexual/Bi-romantic: When a person is attracted to both genders; male and female.
TransgendeTranssexual: When a person feels uncomfortable as the gender that they were born as and decided to switch genders. From male to female, female to male, or any other. Some get surgery and take hormones to achieve this, some can never medically transition, and some find other ways to transition. No matter how trans looks on a person, they are always valid.
Heterosexual/Heteroromantic: When someone is attracted to the opposite sex. This is usually not included in the LGBTQ+ community.
Transvestite: A person who gets pleasure from dressing in the opposite gender's clothes. (Drag King/Queen, crossdresser, etc.)
Gender-fluid/Gender-queer: Someone who's gender changes. It can change from hour to hour, day to day, etc. This person can be male, female, both, neither, or any other gender depending on how they feel.
Non-binary (NB): A person who doesn't align with the binary system. They are neither male nor female. They may align more towards a third gender, or they may just have no gender. Both are perfectly fine and normal.
Genderfuck: A LGBTQ+ slang word for someone who bends gender rules. Not an insult.
Femme/Masc: Femme is a way to describe a male who acts more feminine, but is not a female. Masc is a way to describe a female who acts more masculine but is not a male (they may be referred to as tom-boys). It's usually used as a Femme boy or Masc girl.
Neutrois: Someone with a null or neutral gender.
Lipstick Lesbian: Lesbians who act traditionally feminine instead of the more masculine persona that some lesbians have.
Trigender: Very, very similar to gender fluid, except this person has exactly 3 genders. Male, female, and a form of non-binary/queer.
AgendeNon-gendered: Someone who doesn't have a gender.
Skoliosexual/Skulioromantic People who have an attraction to anyone under the umbrella of queer (NB, gender-fluid, etc.).
Hijra: A third gender typically used in South Asian culture. These people can be classified as transgender.
Two-spirit: Used as an umbrella term for Native American LGBTQ+ members.
Bigender: Someone who's gender encompasses both male and female. Similar to gender-fluid, but with only male and female.
Queer: An umbrella term for anyone that doesn't fall under a typical gender (male or female)
Questioning/?: Someone who doesn't know what their gendesexual/romantic deal is yet. They may never know, or they may just be figuring it out. This can last from a few months to your whole life. This is completely normal and it is okay to not know where you stand. Some people that fall under this just don't like to be labeled. That's okay too!
Autochorissexual: A disconnect between a person and their object of sexual arousal. They may have fantasies or arousal from porn or other things, but no desire to participate in such acts.
Pansexual/Panromantic: Someone who is attracted to all genders, like omnisexual/omni-romantic, but pansexual/pan-romantics are sometimes called "gender-blind", as they fall in love with the person more than the gender, and believe that gender doesn't matter in most cases.
Cupiosexual/Cupioromantic: Someone who doesn't experience romantic/sexual feelings, but wants to be in a romantic/sexual relationship.
Androgyny(ous): Someone whose gender expression has aspects of both male and female.
Polyamorous: People who have more than one sexual or romantic partner. Most of the time this is a group of people (3+) who all have romantic/sexual feelings towards one another. This is known as a Triad. Technically, however, a polyamorous relationship is ethical non-monogamy relationships. You can be single and still identify as this. Poly is just loving multiple people whole-heartedly. (Thanks to u/smilemona1 for correcting me here)
Constellation: A sweet way to describe a polyamorous relationship.
Cisgender: Someone whose gender aligns with their birth gender. For example, someone who is born a female and who is comfortable as a female. This is sometimes not included in LGBTQ+.
Grey Romantic/Grey Asexual: A person who sometimes, occasionally, or rarely experiences sexual or romantic feelings. These feelings may be weak or infrequent. These are also used as umbrella terms. Grey romantic is an umbrella term for interactions between allo/aro, and grey asexual is an umbrella term for interactions between allo/ace.
Hypersexual: Someone who shows excessive concern or indulgence in sexual activities.
Asexual/Aromantic (Ace/Aro): Someone who does not experience sexual or romantic attraction to another person. This doesn't stop them from having and enjoying committed relationships. Some have platonic soulmates/partners/relationships and are completely satisfied, while some don't date/have intimate relationships at all.
Alloromantic/Allosexual: Someone who does experience romantic and/or sexual attraction.
Akiosexual/Akioromantic (or Lithromantic/Lithsexual): A person who experiences romantic/sexual attraction but doesn't want their feelings reciprocated.
Demi-sexual: People who can only experience a sexual attraction towards someone after establishing a close romantic/personal relationship with someone.
Frayromantic/Fraysexual: Someone who experiences romantic/sexual attraction, but that attraction fades after they get to know the person that they were attracted to.
Abrosexual/Ace Flux: A person who's sexual attractions fluctuates from little to no attraction to intense attraction.
Omnisexual/Omniromantic: Very similar to pansexual/panromantic, but instead of being attracted to the person more than the gender, they realized that there attracted to all genders.
Intersexual: Intersex people are born with genitalia, chromosomes, gonads, or sex hormones that are not considered typical for male or female. Unlike transgendetranssexual, this is a biological occurrence.
Straight Allies: Heterosexual/Heteroromantics or cisgendered people that don't identify as LGBTQ+, but still respect, support, and stand up for LGBTQ+ members and rights.
HIV/AIDs Sufferers: Used to spread awareness about the impacts of HIV/AIDs on LGBTQ+ members. A recent study shows that 1 in 6 gay/bisexual men have HIV/AIDs, and HIV/AIDs only affects around .8% of the global population. This is a huge topic and I can't go into much detail here so I encourage you to do your own research.
Aesthetic Attraction: An appreciation for, or an attraction to, someone's looks that doesn't require any reciprocation. Like, my friend looks hot in that dress, but that doesn't mean I would date/have sex with them.
Mixed Orientation Identity: Someone who's sexual and romantic identities don't line up. (I.e. homoromantic asexual)
Perioriented/Varioriented: A person who's romantic and sexual identities align. (I.e. homoromantic homosexual, aromantic asexual, etc.)
Bear Brotherhood: Gay men who act very traditionally masculine and not like the more feminine persona that some gay men have.
.T*: (It's just T* but I had to put a '.' In front of it so the bold would work) An umbrella acronym/letter in LGBTQ+ that can encompass: Transsexual, Transvestite, Genderqueer, Genderfluid, Non-binary, Genderfuck, Agender, Non-gendered, Hijra, Trigender, Two-spirit, Bigender, and many more!
Faggot: An extremely derogatory and insulting term directed primarily at gay men, but can be directed at lesbians or other LGBTQ+ members.
Fairy: Another extremely insulting and derogatory term directed at gay men. This one targets them for acting 'feminine'.
Gaydar: A term used for when someone can find a gay person in a crowd. Is used mainly for laughs and isn't an insult. Examples are like "oh my gaydar is super high in here"
Bi-Fi: Similar to gaydar but for bisexual/biromantic peeps.
Folx: A term used to describe a group of non-binary/gender-neutral peeps. It's like folks but aimed at that specific group.
Body Dysmorphia: An obsessive focus on a "flaw" of one's body. It's often mistaken for dysphoria, but it's actually related to obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) and other illnesses.
Gender Dysphoria: The condition of feeling that one's psychological and mental gender is not aligned with one's biological/birth gender. Signs of this include: disgust with genitals and a desire to be rid of them, preference/euphoria of acting as the opposite gender, obsessively acting as your birth gender to a ridiculous extent to "fit in", the certainty that your gender is not aligned with your body, isolation and/or depression. If you have dysphoria please talk to a trans-friendly doctor or therapist.
Mythicals: Another way to address the LGBTQ+ community. Is not an insult.
Squishes: The Ace/Aro version of a romantic crush. More of a desire to have a platonic relationship with a person.
Transtrender: Derogatory/Insulting. A person who changes their gender as a "fad" without experiencing any gender-related dysphoria. Mainly used by bullies to attack those who experience low dysphoria or don't have a specific gender role (i.e. femme boys/masc girls)
Leather Pride: Not a sexuality per se, but used to describe a group who participates in and has kinks and understands the leather subculture
Othe+: Anything and everything that isn't mentioned here. You can be whatever you want, and it is completely natural and normal. Some people who could fall under questioning/? are here because they don't like labels.ⁿ
submitted by in-godzilla-we-trust to RandomFacts [link] [comments]


2018.11.13 00:39 Cavago28 That time I ate a spoonful of LSD

Preface: This post was made to clarify that this substance can take a horrible turn at any moment. No matter how prepared you think you are the drug can turn its back on you at any moment. This is not something that i wish upon anyone so please take your substance of choice safely. m/17 at this point I had been taking acid for a good 5 or so years I had planned to take a high dose trip because I was uncertain of where my life was taking me the dose I intended to take was around 600ug but I ended up taking 1000+ug. Mistake #1 I had planned to take this trip between just my SO and I but a third party was used to purchase the vial so she jumped in on the trip we'll call her M. We make it back to my SO house where her mother is there with a guy she brought home
Dropping: Mistake#2 I layed 3 strips of acid before dropping. Now the vial we got was not the traditional amber vial it was a breath mint dropper so the drops were not accurate and the dose is unknown. When it came time to drop everyone was hesitant so I was the one to go first. I had decided on 4 drops my SO 3 and M 2. I dropped the acid onto a spoon and it came to the brim I paused for a sec to think "wow that's a lot of acid “before swallowing it in the next second.
The Come up/Attic: Sitting In my SOs room the visuals start to kick in at the 20 min mark hard. The posters in her room had no visible shadow but the shadows started to grow to fill the entire room at which point M asked me when she'd start tripping both me and my SO looked at her confused cause we were both tripping hard already. We decided since M wasn't tripping we'd smoke a blunt so we head to the attic the doorway being in SOs mothers room. We make it upstairs and since M isn't tripping yet she's the one to roll. We had finished smoking the blunt and this is when the trip takes full effect. The next thing M asks me is if the water bottle had jumped at her to which the acid responded with we're not well prepared for this journey. I had felt like my conscience occupied a singular space on a water wheel and every time "I” would flip back around I'd try to question what the fuck was happening only to be flipped again caught in this strange loop for what felt like days but was merely minutes. There was moments when one of the party members would look down and the carpet and be completely sucked in to it so much so that you would stutter and shake to get out of it. Mistake#3 M had full control of the music and was not playing music appropriate for such a wild and high dose trip. At one point a song talked about cardiac arrest so of course my own heart rate picked up and M collapsed into a ball. Me and my SO were convinced she had died so we started yelling her name to which she sat up and said what'd you think I was dead I responded with no shit I've never seen someone lay so uncomfortably and hold it. My SOs sister had been texting us trying to hang out and smoke she was nearby at a friend's. She knew we tripped but never had been around it so we were just avoiding that.We kept getting caught in strange loops because we were trying to smoke more but had no pieces with us because we forgot the bowl in SOs room so we decided it's time to go get it. Make our way down the stairs and the loop resets itself so we all stand around wondering what were doing and it came to me that we were trying to smoke and I'd go get the bowl. When I enter the room its pitch black I can't see my own hand in front of my face and I'm trying to make it out of there as quickly as possible. I am reminded again that my SOs mother has a guy over atm as he's standing in the walkway saying it okay as I apologize the whole walk through. I was the first out the door and the last for a moment.
The Walk into the Future Mistake#3 They finally come back into my SOs room and we all decide we're better off walking to my SO sisters friend’s house it's about midnight at this point. Walking out of my SOs house there a conversation happening between mother and daughter. It goes "hey where are you going" "to my sisters’ friends" "oh okay I'm going to bed goodnight" to which I looked at my SO and said "the shit acid shows you". My body was on a set path at this point as if I had no control it felt at if the acid was moving my body and I was unable to stop it. We make it outside only to realize we had forgotten the bowl again my SO runs back in to get it. SO punches in a GPS so we don't get lost. Now my trip takes a wild turn I'm convinced that life is one big game like a choice based RPG. I was given to options my SO or M. I had lived and fully experienced my choices with M I would have been a drug addicted redneck and with my SO I was to be you're average white Male living in suburbia. None of these options applied to me but I loved my SO with my full heart so I would keep walking up to her (cause I assumed she was getting the same vibe)and telling her how much I cared for her and how important it was for her to know that. The entirety of the walk I had held on to my SO because I could not see in front of myself except for the red and blue lights that weren't there. I kept seeing a figure at the end of certain roads who deeply resembled the grim reaper and he was guiding us pointing in the directions we w I kept seeing a figure at the end of certain roads who deeply resembled the grim reaper and he was guiding us pointing in the directions we were to go before we even turned. We finally make it to our destination and at that moment I'm convinced we had succeeded in time travel.
Time Travel and Where Good Trips Go to Die: Everyone around me looked about 20 years older even my SOs younger sis. I looked into the sky and up there was a kind of game board that read the game of life and it started spinning it was broken into three different sections one being Career the second being place of living and the third was my soulmate. I am not sure what my answers were but some of the choices varied between president and warlord and all things in between. The sky was also covered with what seemed to be an electric grid and all the houses had a modern Chinese feel to them. So back to what's actually happening. We walk into a little side building where we were meant to smoke and chill. M had excused herself for a cig so it was my SO her sister a friend of hers who'll will call j and me. J was complaining about the cig smoke and was mumbling so it kept on sounding like some new age slang that I didn't understand. After a bit of that they soon became uncomfortable with how hard we (mostly myself) were tripping and asked us to leave.
A Shell Walking: I do not know how we got back I kept floating in and out of consciousness. All I remember is that at one point we walked through someone's back yard and at one point I was in the middle of a desert trying to walk towards a motel. I was informed later that I had got into an argument with a house which I call the fake house. During another trip I was obsessed with this house across from my SOs house claiming that it looked very fake. When we get back to my SOs house I come back for a moment. Since I'm convinced we succeeded in time travel I didn't need my retainer anymore so I took that shit and threw it in the driveway. After that I became extremely sweaty like literally drenched in sweat and I took off my shit and blacked out again. Now the rest of the story is crazy and is still being pieced together. According to my SO I walked into the house shirtless and preceded to strip down in front of her mother. My SO was trying to get me upstairs to take a shower but I refused to get into the shower. So she gave up and just had me lay in her bed. SO went downstairs to check on M I then walked out of the room to punch 3 holes in the hallway wall. At this point I believe I was convinced that I was Bob Marley who was also a warlord and I was trying to start war with all those that said I wouldn't be shit. I have a drawstring bag that comes with me nearly everywhere. I call the bag mob barley because it often gets folded and looks very strange my image of Bob compared to Mike Wazaluski and I like to think the bag is what twisted my image but who knows. All around me everything looked extremely soft and fake. My SO had come upstairs again to try and contain me but I wanted to fuck. I had grabbed her by her neck and flung her across the room which was followed by a scream from her and I because I thought the scream was a good sign. Just then her mother rushes in to separate us.
As my SO was leaving I kept screaming about how I would beat my tiny dick for her for infinite quiznops. Laying in the room by myself I start to believe that i took this drug to figure out the secrets to life but after doing so I was no longer able to do my favorite activity. The one scenario that sticks out the most to me is I believed I was a runner and after the drug I was no longer able to run because my lungs became almost alien. It continued like that for a while until my whole body looked like the prawns from district 9. My mother who is an absolute blessing was called she knew that I tripped and she had as well but she never had to deal with a case like mine. I don't know why I started to lose it on the comedown but I had zero control I was the trip fully. My mother arrives and I don't know who she is. I'm still backed at this point so she attempts to cover me with a blanket which I immediately cover in sweat and throw off so she manages to get my underwear on and they stay on for a time. There was a point where I believed I was a scout for an alien race and was meant to come back in millisecond and give a code to evacuate the planet before we went extinct. When I came back the first thing I saw was the letter A because I was staring at a trashcan that had a Giant bag in it so I assumed this was the code. I started repeating a..aaaa... aaaa...aaaaa. I failed that wasn't the right code. I asked my mother how many times and she responded with an open hand so I thought she meant that I fucked it up 4 times and got it on the 5th. So I "come back" and my next code is giant then ahold who is the branch company of giant.
My SOs bed was broken at the time so there were boards lying on the floor I saw them and I wanted to pick it up I don’t remember why but my mother thought that I might hit her with it so she came to get me to stop. I still don't know who she is and I saw this as a threat. I remembered this part but I've had to have it explained to me several times. I had leapt up off the bed using only my arms and before touching the ground I had kicked my mother in the stomach landed and had her in a headlock within the next second. I thank the gods whoever they may be that I was able to snap back because I don't know how far I would've gone when I came back I just walked away and laid back down. I had imagined that my fingers were split about 10 times each allowing me to move each slice individually. I remember at one point my SOs mother was trying to figure out how long I'd trip and she said "he just looks like a kid that's fucked up from taking to much acid" and that just kept playing round and round in my head. After a time I could finally identify my mother and it was time to leave she waited till I knew her in fear of me grabbing the steering wheel or do in my something else dangerous. My mother was very set on leaving but I wanted to see my SO once last time to understand what the fuck just happened. I was refused talking to her because they feared she'd set me off again. I walk out of the room and look left and notice the holes and memories started flowing back in waves. Down the stairs through the dining room and I saw her my SO in the bathroom but with my memories returning I was too embarrassed to say a word so we left. We finally make it back to my mothers house and i sit outside for hours letting the memories and emotions of the night flow over me. It became to much for me to bear so i forced my self to sleep even though my visuals were still rather potent.
Tldr: Ate a spoonful of LSD and resisted ego dissolution leading to a nightmare trip and coming close to killing all those i care about. DONT FUCK AROUND LIKE THIS KNOW YOUR DOSE AND ALWAYS HAVE A TRIPSITTER AT THESE DOSES.
submitted by Cavago28 to Drugs [link] [comments]


2017.06.21 18:41 barb4ry1 Bingo review: All the Birds in the SKy by Charlie Jane Anders

All the Birds in the Sky by Charlie Jane Anders
Bingo Squares: Award – winning novel
My rating: 4.25/5 (Great, engaging story I will reread with pleasure in the future)
It’s a bizarre but beautiful book. The story follows paths of Patricia Delfine and Laurence Armstead. They’re strange as children and geeky as adults. Patricia speaks with birds, learns to astral-project herself and is strongly connected to nature. Laurence, as a child, builds a supercomputer in his bedroom closet and a two-second time machine he can wear on his wrist. One represents nature, other technology.
The story, divided in four books/chapters, follows their paths that cross in the childhood and later in their lives. There’s a soulmates / lovers plot but also the bigger issue of the impending end of the world. Both Patricia and Laurence are involved in seemingly opposing fractions. The drama and conflict build up strongly as we observe the world nearing apocalypse. The relation between Patricia (representing magic) and Laurence (representing technology) is central to the plot. It’s also a touching story focusing on the confusion and mistrust that can come from not understanding the unknown.
The writing has lightness that makes the book entertainging and hard to put down (for people like me). It uses melodrama and sarcasm, a lot of youth language and some modern slang. It mixes, with touch of humor when it’s needed, pop culture with fantasy tropes, myths, fairy tales and science-fiction. If you overanalyze books or dislike youth-adultish feel in language layer it may not be for you. The plot isn’t fully linear: there are jumps and shifts in time line and some arcs are left open. It seems some people disliked introduction of Nameless Assassins represented by named Theodolphus but for me this arc was amazing.
Are there any issues?
Minor ones only.
The ending felt a little abrupt, and some occasional plot holes are present.
On the other hand it’s one of rare books that I just don’t want to put down and stop reading and the closer I get to the end, the sadder I become the ending is near.
For me it was fantastic read, one of best this year. It won’t make to my top three but I’m happy I read this book.
submitted by barb4ry1 to Fantasy [link] [comments]


2016.07.30 02:39 ShiggityontheRocks Close rewatch trivia and tidbits

Hey guys. I did a close rewatch of the show for an essay, and discovered stuff I didn't see before. Here is all the crap trivia and whatnot I found. It's organized by episode, and chronologically (per episode). There's also little themes throughout the series which are posted first (if found in the episode). I'm also so sorry if the post is long. I'm really new to reddit and don't know how to format cuts or what the proper protocol is when dealing with a long list post. Please let me know if I need to change it.
1.0
1.1
1.2
1.3
1.4
1.5
1.6
2.2
2.3
2.4
2.5
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submitted by ShiggityontheRocks to Danger5 [link] [comments]


2015.07.21 09:52 NuclearPiano NBC's *Hannibal* is being canceled for legitimate reasons

The negative-sounding title of this post may warrant explanation. Let me say in advance that this is not an embittered rant; it is not an egotistical tirade; it is not an attempt to undermine the affection which this community feels for the series, or to criticize Bryan Fuller in general. I am and always will be--mimicking Hannibal as he described his friendship at Will’s trial--a genuine fan of NBC’s Hannibal; and so I do not want other fans to take this post out of context or walk away offended. It is admittedly a long post, but it has to be for what its purpose is. The overwhelming sentiment I have been receiving from of late is that fans honestly don’t understand why this television show has been canceled. My honest reaction to this is I’m astonished that fans expected any other outcome. As stated before, I am a “Fannibal” myself; but in the interests of objective criticism, I am willing to offer valid reasons for why the series has ultimately been taken off the air--and for why no other broadcasting network is also likely to pick it up, much though this may dismay the fan community. This show has honestly been weighing on my mind for awhile now, and I feel disappointed to have to remark on it in this manner--but NBC’s decision to cancel it is an entirely understandable one.
In a nutshell, as creative as this show is, it is not capable of appealing to the mainstream. The highest a series like this could ever aim for is cult status among a small but devoted fan base, and this is what it has. A general audience would never buy it. The main reasons for this--if I can say it on a fan-based community without garnering hostility--is that this incarnation of the Hannibal Lecter fandom takes the protagonists grossly out of character. Or maybe “grossly” is too strong a word; but “significantly” at least would be accurate. I’ll outline my thinking below in a few general points if the fan community wants to either consider or dismiss them. But please bear in mind as you read that I’m saying all this as a hardcore fan myself. I’m sad that the show has been cancelled, but I’m in no way tempted to express surprise. It’s for the people who apparently don’t understand why the show has failed in generating the interest that would have buffered a longer run, that I will now attempt--as a person who was a fan of Thomas Harris long before Bryan Fuller ever marketed his vision of the fandom--to explain to you in so many words why the NBC series capsized.
For the remainder of this post, let’s try to step into Will Graham’s shoes and use the gift of empathy to understand how the mainstream viewership would approach a series like this: Sure, NBC’s Hannibal found popularity with a particular niche in society (us who joined this subreddit). But this is how the general audience most likely sees it:
1) The entire show is written from an over-the-top “Bromance” angle.
Once again, I will tread carefully in discussing this because I realize that many in the "Fannibal" community actually adore this element the most. But there is something objective that can be said about it. It would seem as though Bryan Fuller literally wanted to play the entire show from this point of view--that Will Graham and Hannibal Lecter are simpatico to the degree of being soulmates or “true love.” If objective storytelling were to be upheld, there is not a shred of basis for this in the novels Thomas Harris wrote. A new interpretation of well-renowned characters is one thing; completely reinventing them, however, to suit one's own fanfiction, is another. And that is exactly what Bryan Fuller has done here. While some fans may drool over the “Bromance”, this is likely a main factor in why a general audience does not relate to the show. The NBC version of Hannibal is really not a retelling of Thomas Harris’ canon--it is an utter re-imagining. While I love Bryan Fuller as a creative artist, I do feel that his writing on Hannibal has progressively morphed into some kind of personal fantasy, rather than an accurate portrayal of the Hannibal Lecter character--or likewise the other characters in the novels with whom Lecter interacts.
To put it candidly, this is the real issue: Thomas Harris did not envision Hannibal Lecter and Will Graham in anything that could remotely be said to resemble a homoerotic relationship--nor was their a “Bromance" present in the novels either. On that note, while Bryan Fuller attaches this label to his adaptation, I suspect Bryan genuinely wishes that the two characters could be openly portrayed in a homoerotic relationship--and that “Bromance” is just a canon-mandated step down from it. Just to be pointedly honest: Hannibal Lecter and Will Graham were not quasi-gay. Bryan has gone on record as saying that the NBC show features deliberate homoerotic subtext in Hannibal and Will's relationship "for that portion of the audience." I want to be clear here--I do not have a problem with that portion of the audience. If a television show is produced which centrally revolves around homosexual relationships, that is perfectly fine with me. But these two particular characters were honestly not written by the original author in what could be called a sensual light, barring any context--literal or subliminal.
So with that being said: Why did Bryan Fuller feel it necessary to pursue that subliminal context? Why not simply tell the actual story that Harris wrote--expanding on it when necessary to fill the space of a TV show--but being objective about it and setting personal fantasy aside? This “Bromance” idea functioned as a drawback for the NBC show, in my opinion, much more than an asset. The potential viewership that might have been drawn to a series about Hannibal Lecter wound up disinterested because they accurately read the homoerotic subtext. And the truth is that, the vast majority of people just can’t see Hannibal Lecter as quasi-homosexual; so they don’t care to watch a show that borders on portraying him that way. To be fair, these people are honestly justified because that type of relationship was never hinted at in Thomas Harris’ books, nor was it left open to interpretation. For those unfamiliar, I will summarize the characters of Will Graham and Hannibal Lecter as portrayed in the novels.
In Red Dragon, Will Graham is happily married to a woman; and there is no indication that he harbored any type of affection for Hannibal Lecter whatsoever--romantic, “Bromantic”, or otherwise. The discussion on this point will overlap some with Fuller’s characterization of Will Graham in general. In the books, Will’s ability to empathize with serial killers did haunt him; but it did not literally imply that he feared undergoing a dark transformation into one, much less that he was quasi in love with the most horrifying killer he had ever caught. Will witnessed the true monster that Hannibal Lecter was on a deep level that no one else could, precisely due to his ability to empathize with killers. This is what caused him torment when he was around Hannibal, but that was the full extent of the connection. There was no idea given in canon that Will emotionally cared for Hannibal on any level and was haunted because of a meaningful relationship, which would be quite a different spin on the whole thing. Hannibal and Will shared intellectual abilities to a point--this made them worthy adversaries, but neither felt they had given the other some transcendent experience because of it. There was never any sentimental desire to run away with each other. In other words, it was not a love story. It was the ballad of James T. Kirk and Khan Noonien Singh, for those who will understand the reference.
Now speaking of Hannibal Lecter's character: In referring to the “Bromance” angle, Bryan Fuller has apparently gone on record as claiming that Hannibal could conceivably be perceived as bisexual. "Open to all things and embracing whatever humanity has to offer," is, I think, how he put it. Without trying to be overbearing, I would have to pointedly disagree. Mads Mikkelsen's rendition on the NBC show may play it from that viewpoint; but in the books, Thomas Harris definitely portrayed Hannibal Lecter as a vanilla heterosexual character and left no aspect concerning that matter vague. There is literally nothing in the writing that would suggest homoerotic overtones or the idea that Lecter could be anything other than a unilaterally straight man. Hannibal's first romantic attachment in his storyline is to Lady Murasaki. Then later, he is noted to have indulged in occasional affairs with female members of the Baltimore elite that he took to the opera. There is never any mention of affairs with male counterparts that were either made public, or kept private. Thomas Harris, as the author, could have let us know this information if he considered it to be factual regarding Lecter’s character. On the contrary, when Clarice Starling visits Hannibal for the first time at the asylum, Frederick Chilton makes it a point to tell her this piece of information: “Crawford's very clever, isn’t he…using you? A pretty young woman to turn him on. I don’t believe Lecter’s seen a woman in eight years. And are you ever his taste--so to speak."
All of this clearly establishes the fact that Will Graham and Hannibal Lecter did not have a homoerotic relationship--which, in my opinion, is being rather badly disguised with the cover of a coined term like “Bromance”--in the books which Thomas Harris wrote. This aspect was never portrayed in any of the movies adapted from the source literature because it did not exist. It is this element which a majority of viewers most likely fail to relate to and a significant part of what has done the show in for the long haul. Another equally significant part of this equation will now be discussed as well.
2) The show attempts to replace the character of Clarice Starling with that of Will Graham.
It would not honestly be up for debate whether the NBC series has portrayed Hannibal Lecter as being utterly obsessed with Will Graham. This plot element, referenced above as “Bromance”, has from the first episode, been the undying focus of the entire show. The Ballad of Hannibal Lecter and Will Graham--it can easily be read as a love story taking into account the subtext described in the point above. But truthfully, this role in Hannibal’s life was filled in the novels by a very much female character named Clarice Starling. Once again, Bryan Fuller’s creative decision making in this area represents a major deviation from the canon; and the general audience, recalling the classic films Silence of the Lambs and Hannibal, did not make the jump with him. An outline regarding the case for this issue will be given below.
After the events of Red Dragon, Hannibal continues to send Will Graham one letter every year; but in comparison, after the events in Silence of the Lambs, Hannibal makes it a point to send Clarice Starling three letters every year. One of them incidentally contained a rather suggestive sketch of them together--the NBC show alternately portrayed Hannibal as sketching this drawing to depict himself and Will. Regarding Lecter’s letters, those in the FBI department who read over them all felt that Hannibal was making romantic overtures to Clarice. The quote ran: "He sounds like a nut with a crush." In light of issue, the situation was well-established enough that Mason Verger and Paul Krendler could exploit it by composing a fake letter that would imply Clarice was engaging in an inappropriate relationship with Hannibal. Such a ploy would not have worked if the groundwork hadn't previously been laid by Lecter's behavior to make the idea credible enough for FBI authority figures to buy it. Mason Verger captured Hannibal on the entire premise of using Clarice Starling as bait--was Will Graham the bait? No. This was because it was Clarice who was Hannibal’s obsession and could therefore be used as a weakness against him. It was heavily implied in the novels that this was exclusive to her character. In the books, it was Clarice who rescued Hannibal from Muskrat Farm; and it was likewise Clarice who Hannibal subsequently rescued and carried away in his arms. The NBC version again donates these hallmark events to Will Graham instead.
On many similar notes, the scene of the NBC show where Hannibal brushes Will's finger in obtaining his gun is reminiscent of the scene in Silence of the Lambs where Hannibal brushes Clarice's finger in handing her the case file. It is worth noting that all of the lines in Fuller’s series which suggest a romantic aspect to Hannibal/Will’s relationship were in fact lifted from the segments in the original canon which described Hannibal/Clarice’s relationship. "I can feed the caterpillar, I can whisper through the chrysalis, but whatever emerges follows its own nature and is beyond me." "If I saw you every day forever, I would remember this day." “Your memory palace is growing. It shares several rooms with my own. I have discovered you in there more than once.” All of these quotes clearly imply an obsession and romantic fixation on Hannibal’s part--and he aimed them at Clarice Starling, not at Will Graham. The controversial ending of the novels, wherein Hannibal runs away with Clarice forever, could not drive the point home any further--Hannibal fell in love with Clarice. It even goes so far in the books as to say that a teacup shattering no longer bothered Hannibal because Clarice was with him; the last chapter of Hannibal describes how he would occasionally drop one on the floor and smile, satisfied that it didn’t gather itself together. For the first time, he no longer saw Mischa in his dreams.
There was definitely a love story involving Hannibal Lecter’s character; but the accurate counterpart was Clarice Starling. The NBC television series tried to rewrite this portion of canon by replacing Clarice with Will Graham. If we are willing to accept reality, the only real basis for a maneuver of this kind would be personal fantasy; there is no precedent for it in the source material. It was abundantly obvious from Thomas Harris’ writings that Hannibal Lecter developed a prime obsession with Clarice and consequently fell in love with her. Will Graham is never mentioned once in this context; and to that end, he is literally not supposed to be the central character in Hannibal’s life.
It’s fairly clear that Bryan Fuller wanted to essentially replace Clarice with Will. The unfortunate truth about this idea is that it just doesn’t captivate the mainstream audience. If people were asked to meditate on Hannibal Lecter and indicate what other character first came to their mind, an overwhelming majority would probably respond, “Clarice Starling” or “Jodie Foster” or “Julianne Moore.” They wouldn’t say, “Will Graham”, even if they were aware of the Red Dragon storyline and basically knew who the character was. That’s because Clarice was genuinely the more important character in relation to Hannibal, and even people who only have a cursory familiarity with the world of Thomas Harris know that fact. To that point, a mainstream audience probably doesn’t see Hannibal Lecter as intertwined in a “Bromance” relationship with Will Graham because it’s not what they expect. They feel disinterested in NBC’s representation because it differs too strongly from the Hannibal Lecter paradigm they know. In the beginning, a good number of people kept on clamoring for Clarice: When is she going to arrive? There was a reason for this. Regardless of the personal vision which Bryan Fuller & Co wanted to express--and the devoted fanbase which does go nuts over this interpretation--the vast number of average viewers just couldn’t accept a Hannibal Lecter fandom that erased Clarice Starling from the picture. Despite the number of years that have passed since their release, the films Silence of the Lambs and Hannibal continue to be a dominant force in our culture. Both the performances of Jodie Foster and Julianne Moore (especially the former) just left too huge of a psychological wake for the space to be filled with a version of this fictional world that is totally different; and an absence of Clarice comprises a significant part of that.
Stating it candidly, the average person watching their television screen does not relate to Hannibal Lecter having a “Bromance”, in lieu of him interacting with Special Agent Starling. The Hannibal/Clarice dynamic was just too central to the world’s premise, too ingrained in everyone's imagination, to be casually discarded. The end result was that the mass of average viewers who would have been needed to make the show a success failed to support it. They had too much difficulty embracing a series that purportedly centered around Hannibal Lecter but totally left Clarice Starling out. Or rather, they at minimum had overloaded difficulty embracing Hannibal Lecter in the light which Fuller presents--as swept off his feet in a “Bromance.” I actually preemptively warned a good while back that if Bryan ultimately sacrificed realism for the sake of his own personal vision, then the necessary viewership would not tune in, and the show would die. And I have now been proven right. It only took a few episodes of the third season for it to become clear that people were honestly done with giving this series its chance.
It’s a shame because this show had great potential and could have ostensibly enjoyed a much longer run, if it had only appealed to the mainstream more. Instead, it had to rely on reinventing the canon and flinging major protagonists too far out of character. But this brings me to my final point, which in my opinion, is blatantly consummated in the most recent episode.
3) The show depicts Hannibal Lecter in a manner that is significantly out of character.
For the record and to erase all doubt from anyone’s mind: Yes, Will Graham caught Hannibal Lecter. He never just let him walk away with a parting phrase of, "I don't want to think about you anymore." That would have been incredibly irresponsible of an FBI agent, though to argue the point, Clarice does something much worse in the books if we can assume she was in her right mind. But to restate it, Will Graham’s character in the books would have never even thought about doing that. And much more importantly…
For the love of all realism on earth, Hannibal Lecter would never have gone into captivity willingly. That particular tidbit is a flat betrayal of Lecter’s character, no matter what version of the fandom we’re in. Even if we were to assume the “Bromance” angle that Bryan Fuller wrote for this adaptation, that portrayal of events would never happen. Thomas Harris never portrayed Hannibal as being so much under Clarice's sway that he would have literally sacrificed his freedom just to stay in her proximity; and in the novels, as discussed previously, she was the romantic element. So I think we can infer from this that denial of self, expressed to that degree, is just simply not in Hannibal Lecter’s nature.
This plot element was a gross exaggeration of the climactic scene in the film version of Hannibal, where Anthony Hopkins ostensibly chops off his own hand in order to spare Clarice. Even fans who were aware of the explicit romance between Lecter and Starling in the books criticized this occurrence. It's just implausible to think that a character like Hannibal Lecter would do anything so self-effacing because he is a sadistic serial killer after all. At the end of the day, let us quote Jack Crawford from Silence of the Lambs: “Never forget what he is--a monster.” So to recap, NBC seriously wants me to believe that Hannibal Lecter would choose of his own free will to spend the rest of his life in Baltimore Hospital for the Criminally Insane? In the dungeon? In the drab little cell where he utterly lost his freedom and was tormented by the likes of Dr. Chilton? Hannibal Lecter?
To put it in slang, no way in hell. This deviates way too hugely from Lecter’s character to be taken seriously. And if the offered defense is that Hannibal did it merely to exact a revenge tactic on Will Graham--by compelling Will to indefinitely meditate on him--I would humbly ask you…Whatever happened to simply killing him? I thought that was the whole dramatic focal point of where this season was ultimately going--that Hannibal had to eat Will in order to forgive him. Or was that esoteric conversation with Bedelia and horrific brain-cooking scene all actually meaningless then? It was just over-dramatic fluff to set up a prelude for Hannibal doing a complete one-eighty? Because Hannibal Lecter is the kind of character that blatantly flip-flops like that?
I have trouble believing. Not only that, but the NBC version has arguably blurred the portrayal of Hannibal Lecter’s character in a few other ways. To begin with, though Lecter’s viewpoint on such matters differed sharply from our own, he did have a code of moral ethics. That monotone quote he delivers to Bedelia in S3E1--“Morality does not exist”--was not a sentiment he expressed in the original novels. Hannibal did not choose his victims at random; they were all, albeit in his twisted mind, guilty of something deserving their fate. True, he sometimes made exceptions to his moral pretense: You can definitely find examples in the books that depict Lecter as willing to murder innocent people, Will Graham’s family in Red Dragon not the least. But these rarer instances were typically due to either practical necessity or personal revenge. The greater point I’m trying to make is that Hannibal’s psychopathic behavior did normally conform to a more predictable pattern. In the novel Hannibal, there is also a scene which depicts him in his job as museum curator, morally deploring the masses of tourists who are apparently turned on by the torture exhibit. So to say that Hannibal has no morality would be factually untrue; his conception of morality merely differs from what the rest of society would define. I highlight this as important because it seems that the NBC series portrays Hannibal as willfully committing a plethora of extremely cruel acts on the sole motivation of curiosity and amusement; and in reality, while Hannibal is definitely evil, this is not totally in character and, in a way, seems somehow beneath him--if only for the sake that a being of his intellectual caliber wouldn’t conceivably be interested enough in “poor dullards” to consider these random demonic acts worth his time.
On a similar note, the show’s treatment of Mischa in Hannibal’s life aims to greatly minimize her character. While some may feel that Mischa was an ill-guided attempt on Thomas Harris’ part to explain Lecter’s pathology--and that it had the underwhelming effect of oversimplifying the monster--the fact would still remain that this was the essential canon background for Hannibal's hallmark trait--that he is a cannibal. According to the NBC version, Hannibal deliberately cannibalized his sister, although he did not kill her. This represents a severe deviation from the source material in which Hannibal witnesses her being cannibalized by others--and is forced to unknowingly cannibalize her himself--and thus, as a consequence, declares war on God. The novel Hannibal Rising elucidated that Hannibal prayed every day for God to deliver Mischa; and when events unfolded as described, that he utterly lost his faith in God and decided there was no real justice in the world. This version, in reality, would much better coincide with Bryan Fuller’s agenda to depict Hannibal as Lucifer--an entity fallen from grace--than would an extreme downplaying of Mischa's character, which he chose to present instead. “Mischa doesn’t explain Hannibal; she doesn’t quantify what he does”, quotes Will Graham; and some might agree with him. However, not quantifying Hannibal fully does not need to literally be viewed in the same light as failing to embody major influence--which is going too far in how dramatically it modifies the original Hannibal Lecter backstory.
All of this is summing up to say that while Hannibal is a far cry from good, he was not conceived into the world “fully formed” as Bryan Fuller envisioned, as some otherworldly superhuman incarnation of ultimate evil. That, in honest description, is pushing the boundaries of the unbelievable far more than Thomas Harris’ possibly flawed origin story and relegating the character to the realm of the cartoonish. No human being--and even Hannibal Lecter is composed of human DNA--would ever be such a creature in the real world. Psychopaths do exist; it is conceivable that a psychopath with a genius intellect could even exist. Voldemort, however, does not. The NBC series deviates from an objective portrayal of Hannibal Lecter’s character by attempting to paint him in that light. It would be better and more believable, in my opinion, to compromise between Harris' original backstory and Fuller's vision and portray Hannibal Lecter as a perfect storm: maybe an extremely rare breed of human being that harbored a psychopathic streak from the very beginning, but was equally traumatized in childhood via a brutal, bizarre mechanism. That coincidence triggered a metamorphosis into an awe-inspiring demonic being as a result.
At the end of presenting all these criticisms, I feel the need to restate just how much I have enjoyed this show. Bryan Fuller’s version has received much critical acclaim, and it deserves every bit of praise it gets. The series is beautifully produced from an artistic standpoint and brilliantly written in terms of plot development, overall characterization, and dialogue. I feel disappointed as regards the show’s fate because with its fantastic creative team and actors, I believe it had the potential to garner much greater success if it would have just been more accessible to the mainstream. But as we say, that’s neither here nor there now. All that remains is for us to enjoy the second half of the last season that NBC’s Hannibal will ever see. To all the other "Fannibals": The kitchen is now closed.
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2015.03.18 06:58 gerry_mandarin My midlife crisis and living with Depression and Anxiety.

Hi everyone. I'll let what follows speak for itself, but suffice it to say I have kept some issues and feelings, and anger, bottled up for most of my life. I'm now 41 years old, and I have gone nowhere in my life. I had resigned myself to the possibility I will be depressed and anxious for the rest of my life, but I am starting to have hope that I can make some changes that will lead to me eventually becoming a productive member of society again, instead of a recluse in my parent's house who quit a good job 8 years ago. Anyways, Ima let it rip below:
I'm 41 years old, and quit work 8 years ago to become a recluse in my parent's house. For 6 of those years I was basically catatonic, and immersed myself in pc flight simulation and other less brainy games, staying up all night and going to sleep when the sun rose, sometimes a little after. With a subconscious death wish, I smoked cigarettes and ate junk food, barely leaving my seat with my eyes glued to the internet and games. It was a peaceful bubble, an escape from the real world that I laid witness to when I I went to school and worked at a Fortune 100 company in their marketing department. But I had grown tired of the escapist world I had surrounded myself in, and started to put my "ignorance is bliss" mindset aside and tried to figure out what the fuck is wrong with me. My goal is to attempt to correct it, and if I can't (which I'm pretty certain is the case), learn to accept it and just try to manage finding some purpose or enjoyment during the second half of my existence. 2014 was my year of "self-discovery", and I have learned so much about myself, so much so that I feel I have a chance to manage the clinical depression that prevents me from working and leaving the house for days at a time, sometimes weeks during some periods in the recent past since I quit working. One of the things I have learned is that I'm partly autistic. It’s the latest thing apparently; even Jerry Seinfeld thinks he is autistic. I’m not Sheldon level (think the lead character from “The Big Bang Theory”, but I have my moments where I’m aloof and unaware of my tone, my comments, in informal and important social functions) All jokes aside, the symptoms that pertain to the autistic fit me to a tee in some respects. I also couple this condition with what I really think is the root of my awkwardness and a general state of catatonia and lack of ambition, despite being given every advantage in life…….Avoidant Personality Disorder, or AVPD for short.
I don’t believe I was born with the disorder, it’s something that is really caused by the environment one faces in childhood/early adulthood. From what I have learned from people who knew me when I was very young, I was super outgoing, friendly, and charming, and surprisingly good looking. But from 4th grade on, I started to change for the worse. My nose grew, my lips inflated, my jaw refused to keep up with the rest of my facial bone growth. So looks wise, even thought I kept telling myself I was destined to look like my handsome father, I convinced myself I just hit a delay, I would maybe be a “late bloomer”. I knew from puberty that I was one ugly fella, as my younger sister and my classmates reinforced in my mind during that particularly formative time.
For me, it was the perfect storm of variables that I had no control of, specifically: an Indian name that translates to a vulgar term in my town (jit means semen btw), racism because I’m of Indian descent and surrounded by Irish pigs and Italian guidos (who invented the jit slang in PHILADELPHIA), and an odd skeletal abnormality giving me oddly small and thin bones/muscles that makes me very weak and skinny, pretty much as strong as a fucking girl. I’m not particularly ugly, but I am not what I would classify as attractive. So, I was dealt the triple whammy of being weak, ugly, and dumb (or the appearance from my anxiety and depression from an early age). And I went through a very awkward teenage phase in regards to my looks, like having a big hook nose, fat girly lips, angry looking eyebrows, and a very weak jaw/chin. NO ONE in my family even comes close to resembling me, it’s the fucking mystery of a lifetime how I ended up with these traits relative to my family. The closest person I can think of is my mother’s brother, but even he was able to score a piece of ass when he was married. And at least he is smart and had a somewhat respectable career as a ship captain.
I have a funny, very narrow facial bone structure, and almost no jaw to speak off. I even breath strangely and talk funny occasionally because of a jaw and mouth that is too small to house my tongue. Nice right? What makes this so goddamn painful for me is that my father is very damn handsome; I would even say he looked like Mitt Romney when he married my mother. My mom was fairly attractive when she was younger, but she has hang-ups about her looks. Makes sense because I feel, and others have said, I resemble my mother a lot. But the real icing on the cake is ALL three of my younger sisters are considered hot, or that’s what my coworkers and friends always drilled into my head. So much so that there is a very sharp contrast between myself and them in pictures. Classmates used to be in shock when I mentioned they were related to me. No one says it now, but I can see it in their faces that they are astonished that they are related.
Anyhow, I could write a book on what is ailing me, but suffice it to say I am feeling I’m suddenly in the throes of a midlife crisis. The irony is I never had a life to speak of. Life has been the same routine for as long as I can remember: went to school (grades 1-8, high school, college), and subsequently, a “normal” job, but every day I basically just returned to my room or the basement and distracted myself with TV or other hobbies/interests. I never dated, because I am weak and unattractive, perceived or real, but most likely real. But even if I found a suitable partner, I would worry that someone else would steal her away from me. Life is all about competition, survival of the “fittest”, and there is no fucking way I would stand a chance against the weakest of the weak out there. I’d always be worrying about who is fucking my woman behind my back…screw having that worry. Or they would embarrass me by calling me out by my vulgar name, and the weak piece of shit that I am, I would just take it. Not conducive to keeping friends or girlfriends. I have thought this way since I first started puberty, and it continues to this day. All my life I was never ever interested in dating, but starting now, I’m dipping my toes in the shark tank that is online dating, and the response has not been as I would have hoped for. And I’m not even sure the girls who are below my standards would even want to be seen with me if they saw me in real life, once they see my Hyperlordosis and funny walk/posture I shudder to imagine what they would think. I have enough issues imagining what the average stranger thinks when I walk past them. The average piece of shit trailer trash in the US or just ABOUT ANYWHERE on this planet doesn’t not have the intense self-consciousness I have been tormented with, why do I have this odd postural issue? Given my resources and “wealth” of my family? All I ask for, what I wish for, is to be average, to just fit in aesthetically with my peers. Is that too much to ask?
The average piece of shit fuckface Indian I see when I’m on vacation over in that shithole Bangalore, I’d pay big money just to look like them just so I could hold on to the average snatch I see here in the U.S., how pathetic is that? When I see the average Indian here in the U.S. with a nice looking Caucasian woman, I think that should be me.
I cannot handle judgment, criticism, or failure. Why? Everyone has to face criticism, what makes me so damn special?? Because I feel entitled to a better life, better looks, and normal male strength because of my Asian ethnicity and my surgeon father’s accomplishments and monetary resources, not to mention how attractive my sisters are. It sounds mean and selfish, but it would make sense to feel like I do and live my sheltered reclusive life if I was some poor person in my parent’s homeland of India or if they were ugly and uneducated. Yes, I am selfish, and it can be hard to relate to the suffering of others because I have been treated so badly by others, rich AND poor, that I just blanket despise, fear, or envy mostly all people. Even the poor, because some of them are happy despite their conditions (as evidenced in overseas trips). However, Last year was a time of deep introspection, and after a long absence, I had started to see my psychiatrist and started to retake medication again. And things I never would have imagined doing some years ago while I was buried in my fantasy land of games consuming junk food, I have somehow now said fuck it, I’m so bored I’ll just do the following just for shits and giggles, because at this point it’s all amusement for me….
I was at the mall his past week, and a very hot young Israeli girl asked me to let her demonstrate some kind of skin cream on me. Normally, I would politely say I'm not interested and move on. But for some reason, I just suavely walked on over and let her perform her rehearsed pitch on me. I'm not stupid, I knew from the get go she is basically just a snake oil salesgirl, but for the first time in a long time, I felt I should just take a chance and let her flirt with me and try to enjoy it without guilt or feeling like I don't deserve the attention. And it felt very good. Fake it till you make it right? I pretended to be the fit, good looking successful man I always wished I would be, the composite of my father I always wished I would turn out like in likeness, and I tried hard to suppress the slight erection I was getting and avoid brushing her breasts with my hand even though she was moving close on purpose to apply the cream she so eagerly wanted to earn a commission on. I felt normal for once, and also sad that this is a fleeting feeling that I cannot experience like my peers who date or are married. I can’t know for sure, but I think there was a remote possibility she had feelings for me, just based on the bullshit I was sprouting. I even thought of buying her a box of chocolates, shit, pussy is a powerful force, I remember feeling it at work. But the point here is, I lived in the moment and didn't sabotage myself by depriving myself of a chance for enjoyment, however brief that moment would be.
I’ve started exercising regularly, lifting weights and going for long walks. I joined Facebook, which is a huge step for me because I am intensely private and don’t need the temptation to compare myself to others in that narcissist’s paradise. I don’t know what happened; maybe it was learning through internet forums that so many others have felt the same way as I have had forever, that I don’t feel so strange, alone, and wanting to hide myself from the world anymore. Maybe it’s the fear of missing out, or because someone I know and trust’s prescription drug addled loser brother created a fake profile of me three years ago that was pure defamation, I felt the need to set the record straight and create a real Facebook profile. To fill you in, he claimed I was a female. I can’t know for sure, but I suspect people I respect or not (i.e., former classmates, coworkers, etc) may have stumbled upon that Facebook profile because it conveniently happened to appear around the time of my high school and grade school reunions around thanksgiving 2011.
The original intention of the Facebook profile I created around Spring 2014 was just to use as a vanity “placeholder” to correct the tarnished image I felt that piece of shit’s prank may have led former classmates, co-workers, and far away family members to think about me. But a week ago, I dipped my toes in, uploaded my picture, and started friending a few people, and now I am starting to like it. Hell, I even friended my first teenage crush, Andrea, and she initiated a chat with me this past Monday. It meant the world to me that she did that. She is the only girl I can recall I ever had real feelings for who actually reciprocated that she was somewhat interested. She is who I feel was my soulmate, my perfect partner, but she is married now and I never had the guts to ask her to be seen with me when the opportunity presented itself in high school. She was and is the most beautiful person I ever laid my eyes on. If you recall my concerns about my looks around puberty, I didn’t deserve her beauty and compassion then, and that belief has stuck with me to this very day. But I digress....
Back to the topic of Facebook, I have found that there are so many cool groups to join, including groups that deal with depression, AVPD, you name it, where you will meet so many like minded people. And because they are real people using their real names (mostly), you feel less alone and faceless, and learn to let go of the usual stereotypes of sufferers of mental illness, or personality disorders as it may suit me. Anonymity has a real value on the forums and Reddit subs, but there is something about people showing their real selves on Facebook groups that makes this disease less painful, for me at least.
One of the main reasons I have such severe anxiety and clinical depression is because of my somewhat privileged upbringing and race and economic status, and the unavoidable comparison to my siblings. When I think about how others may see me as lazy or using depression as a “crutch”, I imagine, what the fuck would they do if they were in my shoes? It’s so easy to judge, when you are not experiencing the pain and pressure others are feeling. Because as much as some like to claim, we are NOT equal, we don’t have the same opportunity to succeed, not even close. True, some are dealt a few bad cards, but myself, I was dealt every bad card one could possibly imagine (looks, strength, intelligence, charisma or lack of)…. I’ll admit I’m not the most empathetic person, just because of the warped mind I have due to my past experiences during school and work with the “normal” people, but in a way I can relate to the weakest of the weak, the poorest of the poor, the underdog, because I feel their pain in what I have had to endure despite given every advantage in life independent of my looks, skeletal abnormalities, and other derivatives of these oddities that I felt I have been encumbered with. But trust me, if I won a few hundred million dollars in the lottery, I know I would donate most of it to the less fortunate. They are always on the forefront of my mind, if I had the money I would give most of it to them because I cannot justify holding onto most of it. Everyone has a right to spend their hard earned money as they please, but it makes me sick how some folks spend their fortunes given what is happening in the world. Sure I would endulge in some luxuries, especially given the unending crap I had to deal with in this life, but I would be sure to allocate the majority to people who really need it.
So with all the advantages that I was blessed with, at least pre-puberty, I felt the pressure of higher than average expectations. These high expectations are due to several factors: my family’s ethnicity (Asian Indian) where the majority of my generation fortunate to be born here in America were very ambitious overachievers, or of at least above average intelligence. As an Indian American, you are considered a failure if you are just an engineer. When other Indians ask what I do for a living, they ask if I’m a doctor, lawyer, or engineer. And from what I know, most of my father’s friends have kids who have grown up to be such professionals. I try not to let it bother me, because my parents never put such pressure on me, unlike some Indian parents and their offspring, but it can occasionally bother me. I was even accepted into two above average engineering colleges, but in the better of the two schools where I eventually enrolled, I changed my major to business after one semester. How I got accepted in the first place I have no idea, as my grades and SAT scores were horrendous, but the college admissions staff probably saw that I was Indian and my father had money and based their decision on that criteria. But yes, I think people in my father’s social and professional circles know I went to a major college and ended up as I am now, and must look down on me. Again, I try not to think of it that much, as I don’t feel a need to please them, I just want to be happy and find a suitable career that fits me and makes me happy. I think most rational, well-adjusted people are satisfied with that kind of goal in terms of a career and life expectations, but it is well known that Asians are known for being very demanding of their children, many to the point of driving them into choices that will impress their friends, damn what the children themselves think. But I am fortunate in that I never really felt that pressure from my parents. But I’m sure they feel it from their peers, and lately it has been getting to me.
Discounting the high career expectations, the only thing that matters to me really, as far as having the motivation to get up in the morning and slave away in the cesspool of one-upmanship and competition that is life in the modern American workforce, is feeling secure in my ability to obtain a meaningful relationship with a somewhat attractive female. Looks, no matter what people try to tell you, are all that really matters in getting ahead in life, or are necessary to make positive first impressions or form connections with others that lead to great opportunities and subsequent success and respect. But when it comes to aesthetics, I have lost out in many ways.
It’s bad enough that I’m kind of ugly, but I also have a very odd skeletal structure. I have abnormally thin and small bones, and corresponding small muscles. Yes, I can add muscle normally with the commensurate amount of weightlifting and a protein rich diet, but with the odd skeletal foundation I often wonder what is the point. Even with big muscles, I will still look and feel funny and awkward: I will still have a funny looking walk and posture due to very skinny legs, very flattish feet, a super narrow back/ribcage, very narrow clavicles that inhibit normal shoulder movements (I cannot even carry shoulder bags like laptop bags without them sliding off my narrow shoulders) And I also have extreme Hyperlordosis, which on top of the aesthetic concerns like a girly looking pronounced butt and a gut that sticks out more than it should, it makes for functional impairments like shallow breathing, poor range of motion, especially when bending over, and occasional sharp back pain in the lower back. Add all these non-aesthetic costs up, and I cannot even fathom a girl that meets the minimal standards of the average man being even remotely attracted to me based just on looks.
I often think, why me? Especially when I see photos of my sisters and father, I cannot for the life of me figure why I drew the short end of the stick. I most often compare myself to my perfect looking sister, who was blessed with my father’s photogenic genetics. She has an easier life, and she doesn’t know it. Men threw themselves at her, I only wish I had that experience with the opposite sex. That could have been me, I think about that ALL THE FUCKING TIME. I suspect she, her husband , her close friends, and her kids are embarrassed by me, and I don’t blame them. But I can only control so much…. If she only knew the reason I gave up on life is not because I’m lazy, like she and her husband and his family most likely think, I just don’t see the point in trying when I have to swim upstream with a fucking 100,000lb weight on my back.
Regardless of all I have laid out above, I think I’m finally learning to care less about what others think about me and start attempting to live life for myself, without thinking I don’t deserve to feel happy or even just normal because of my aforementioned insanely high and unachievable expectations. I also have some glimmers of hope regarding the life roadblock that is my looks. I feel like jaw surgery, or Orthognathic surgery, is a very viable option. With all my issues regarding my abnormal skeletal structure, which are unfixable, this one move could help address some longtime aesthetic and functional issues which have plagued me all my life, including speech and breathing issues that have nothing to do with looks. Hopefully I can get some assistance from insurance to help defray the expense. Mind you, when I first quit work I had the intention of addressing some of my lifelong concerns, like changing my vulgar name, working out, and getting some plastic surgery to align my looks more evenly with my family and society's expectations, and I did manage to make good on the last two of those goals. I now lift weights and exercise, despite some serious structural deficiencies imparted by a hitherto unknown skeletal abnormality that limit the aesthetic improvement such exercise is supposed to lead to. And I had gotten a nose job and small chin implant just a few months after I quit work in early 2007, but it was not enough. Not to go all Michael Jackson or anything, but I had chickened out and wanted a "subtle" change, and if you are going to go that route, you do it right or not at all. And a proper jaw, not chin, implant or reconstruction is the logical solution for me. Some say it’s not manly to get plastic surgery, but I am looking to impress WOMEN not men. I have simple needs, and all I need to be happy is the affection of a woman, I never cared for having many male friends or acting like the average Neanderthal knuckle dragger looking to score with endless women or getting a fancy high paying job just to impress others or support a big family.
I’m pretty sure I am never going to beat depression, but the way I see it, I can take steps to help mitigate the effects. The way I see things, I can’t sink any lower in what others think of me. There is nowhere to go other than up. Set your expectations low, and you become numb to what others think and you start taking chances and succeeding in the pathetic small steps where you thought you were bound to fail. But I will say this: take some pleasure in these little victories, and eventually you will learn to manage life, because apparently even the “successful” normal people have their own inner demons that they are adept at hiding from the world. Case in point: Robin Williams and Cayman Naib.
Peace!
submitted by gerry_mandarin to stories [link] [comments]


2014.12.10 20:06 dr_hermes THE SAINT MEETS THE TIGER (Leslie Charteris) Reviewed

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From 1928, this is the book which introduced our very own Simon Templar to a thrill-starved world. In some parts, it's quite clumsily written and uncertain (Leslie Charteris himself was not eager to see it reprinted) but in most important ways, it hits all the right notes. Most significantly, it's as close to an origin story for Simon and for Patricia Holm that we are ever likely to get and for that reason alone, it deserves to be more widely available. It also seems to be fairly difficult to find a copy, so MEET THE TIGER merits a lengthier discussion here than usual.
The Saint shows up near the tiny coastal village of Newcombe, taking up residence in a refurbished pillbox with his trusty and indecipherable valet, Orace. Simon is on the trail of the Tiger, who despite being an Englishman, was "for years Chicago's most brilliant and terible gang leader" and who has made off with a million dollars in gold from the Confederate Bank. (Simon has an amusing thought on the image of the Saint vs. the Tiger going back to the Roman games but with a twist this time.)There are a number of suspects to be the Tiger, all of them wildly unlikely of course, and Charteris does a fair if not exceptional job of keeping the reader guessing.
I was struck several times by the thought that, although our hero had been a wandering adventurer for eight years at this point and has picked up the well-known nickname* ("...the name werewith he had been christened in strange and ugly places, by hard and godless men"), this is where he actually BECOMES the Saint in earnest. There are several references to his familiar blithe, reckless persona as just another role he can choose to play ("...one pose was as good as another, and the opportunity to play the swashbuckler was too good to be missed" and "the Saintly pose had dropped from him like the flimsy mask it was...") but this time for some reason, the persona sticks and he keeps it. I think the reason he stays as the Saint is Pat.
There is also his explanation to Pat that he had made an offer to the Confederate Bank to undertake the recovery of their stolen fortune for a twenty per cent commission if he succeeds. He describes himself as "gentleman adventurer: i.e. available for any job involving plenty of money and plenty of trouble.." In modern terms, he was a mercenary soldier-of-fortune and hired gun. After becoming wealthy enough from the Tiger job, he intends to retire and settle down comfortably (but of course, he soon after started the Saintly crusade that we're familiar with in the early stories). I had read somewhere that in the first book Simon was an ordinary investigator for hire, but that's not fair to him; he's always a maverick, acting on his own and under no orders. If he brings back the loot, he gets a share, that's all.
There is some tantalizing detail about the Saint's wandering around the world in shady enterprises like smuggling and looting. Described as twenty-seven in a story written in 1928, he might for our purposes be considered as having been born in 1900 and to be the appropriate age in the following books, so that in a 1940 story, he would be forty. So readers of PLANETARY, we may have another Century Baby here and you know what that means.
Patricia Holm is as much a total delight here as when we last see her nearly twenty years later. For a simple little Village Princess just past nineteen, she takes to the swashbuckling life as if she had been raised to be an adventuress. Right from the start, she knows when to play along with Simon and what not to say, she carries out her own investigation with thoughtful care; and when she thinks the Saint has been killed, Pat mounts her own assault on the Tiger's ship, complete with a gun in her hand, sneaking up on thugs and cracking them over the head. If Simon Templar had never showed up in Baycombe, I can't help but think that Pat would inevitably have ending up having adventures anyway; she has a gift for it.
And the two ARE classic soulmates. After a bit of flippant remarks, they tumble hard for each other. The Saint is surprisingly described as not having much experience with women, which seems unlikely but you never know. Maybe he had a bad marriage at 19 that soured him for the following years until he met Pat.
Among the flaws in this first opening salvo of the Saint epic is that the writing is sometimes unfocused and could be tightened up. The trademark banter is fairly clumsy and not amusing as it later becomes. (Although right from the start, he's calling the villains Angel Face and throwing in an impudent limerick. Oddly, it's Orace who first mentions the actress and the bishop, although Simon and the narrator quickly pick up on it.) A good deal of the dialogue never really goes anywhere and there is much dated slang that even when current must have been irritating.
I know Charteris was greatly influenced by P.G. Woodhouse (and even mentions the writer in an early chapter) and this explains much of the love of language for its own sake that gives the Saint books some of their distinctive flair. But when a character states, "Abso-jolly-old-uutely, all of a doodah...Put the old tootsy into it? Haven't I? What?", I can see why Charteris considered rewriting the earlier books. (Fortunately, he decided to let them stand without updates.) There are also stretches of writing a bit too purple and self-conscious, as when Simon is struggling through a lightless cavern. This also shows the Saint as much more vulnerable and panicky, even laughing hysterically, than he would ever been again and the author may have regretted this touch of realism. But these are minor flaws. For the most part, you can hear the distinctive voice of Leslie Charteris telling the story in that way all his own. The interplay between Pat and Simon is irresistable, and the way that they all independently sneak commando style aboard the Tiger's boat is classic adventure stuff.
*When reintroduced as a continuing character, much was made of the fact that no one knew who this mysterious person called the Saint actually was and much energy was spent by the police trying to pin the vigilante campaign on Simon. Of course, when he wrote MEET THE TIGER, Leslie Charteris did not quite know what he was letting out of the bottle or that the Saint would frolic for many decades to come. It's an inconsistency that really can't be explained; eliminating all the Saint references and images from MEET THE TIGER would sadly weaken the book. One final note, the little trademark haloed stick figure makes no appearance here. _
submitted by dr_hermes to pulpheroes [link] [comments]


2014.08.07 20:22 dr_hermes MEET THE TIGER Reviewed (The first Saint novel, 1928)

From 1928, this is the book which introduced our very own Simon Templar to a thrill-starved world. In some parts, it's quite clumsily written and uncertain (Leslie Charteris himself was not eager to see it reprinted) but in most important ways, it hits all the right notes. Most significantly, it's as close to an origin story for Simon and for Patricia Holm that we are ever likely to get and for that reason alone, it deserves to be more widely available. It also seems to be fairly difficult to find a copy, so MEET THE TIGER merits a lengthier discussion here than usual.
The Saint shows up near the tiny coastal village of Newcombe, taking up residence in a refurbished pillbox with his trusty and indecipherable valet, Orace. Simon is on the trail of the Tiger, who despite being an Englishman, was "for years Chicago's most brilliant and terible gang leader" and who has made off with a million dollars in gold from the Confederate Bank. (Simon has an amusing thought on the image of the Saint vs. the Tiger going back to the Roman games but with a twist this time.)There are a number of suspects to be the Tiger, all of them wildly unlikely of course, and Charteris does a fair if not exceptional job of keeping the reader guessing.
I was struck several times by the thought that, although our hero had been a wandering adventurer for eight years at this point and has picked up the well-known nickname* ("...the name werewith he had been christened in strange and ugly places, by hard and godless men"), this is where he actually BECOMES the Saint in earnest. There are several references to his familiar blithe, reckless persona as just another role he can choose to play ("...one pose was as good as another, and the opportunity to play the swashbuckler was too good to be missed" and "the Saintly pose had dropped from him like the flimsy mask it was...") but this time for some reason, the persona sticks and he keeps it. I think the reason he stays as the Saint is Pat.
There is also his explanation to Pat that he had made an offer to the Confederate Bank to undertake the recovery of their stolen fortune for a twenty per cent commission if he succeeds. He describes himself as "gentleman adventurer: i.e. available for any job involving plenty of money and plenty of trouble.." In modern terms, he was a mercenary soldier-of-fortune and hired gun. After becoming wealthy enough from the Tiger job, he intends to retire and settle down comfortably (but of course, he soon after started the Saintly crusade that we're familiar with in the early stories). I had read somewhere that in the first book Simon was an ordinary investigator for hire, but that's not fair to him; he's always a maverick, acting on his own and under no orders. If he brings back the loot, he gets a share, that's all.
There is some tantalizing detail about the Saint's wandering around the world in shady enterprises like smuggling and looting. Described as twenty-seven in a story written in 1928, he might for our purposes be considered as having been born in 1900 and to be the appropriate age in the following books, so that in a 1940 story, he would be forty. So readers of PLANETARY, we may have another Century Baby here and you know what that means.
Patricia Holm is as much a total delight here as when we last see her nearly twenty years later. For a simple little Village Princess just past nineteen, she takes to the swashbuckling life as if she had been raised to be an adventuress. Right from the start, she knows when to play along with Simon and what not to say, she carries out her own investigation with thoughtful care; and when she thinks the Saint has been killed, Pat mounts her own assault on the Tiger's ship, complete with a gun in her hand, sneaking up on thugs and cracking them over the head. If Simon Templar had never showed up in Baycombe, I can't help but think that Pat would inevitably have ending up having adventures anyway; she has a gift for it.
And the two ARE classic soulmates. After a bit of flippant remarks, they tumble hard for each other. The Saint is surprisingly described as not having much experience with women, which seems unlikely but you never know. Maybe he had a bad marriage at 19 that soured him for the following years until he met Pat.
Among the flaws in this first opening salvo of the Saint epic is that the writing is sometimes unfocused and could be tightened up. The trademark banter is fairly clumsy and not amusing as it later becomes. (Although right from the start, he's calling the villains Angel Face and throwing in an impudent limerick. Oddly, it's Orace who first mentions the actress and the bishop, although Simon and the narrator quickly pick up on it.) A good deal of the dialogue never really goes anywhere and there is much dated slang that even when current must have been irritating.
I know Charteris was greatly influenced by P.G. Woodhouse (and even mentions the writer in an early chapter) and this explains much of the love of language for its own sake that gives the Saint books some of their distinctive flair. But when a character states, "Abso-jolly-old-uutely, all of a doodah...Put the old tootsy into it? Haven't I? What?", I can see why Charteris considered rewriting the earlier books. (Fortunately, he decided to let them stand without updates.) There are also stretches of writing a bit too purple and self-conscious, as when Simon is struggling through a lightless cavern. This also shows the Saint as much more vulnerable and panicky, even laughing hysterically, than he would ever been again and the author may have regretted this touch of realism. But these are minor flaws. For the most part, you can hear the distinctive voice of Leslie Charteris telling the story in that way all his own. The interplay between Pat and Simon is irresistable, and the way that they all independently sneak commando style aboard the Tiger's boat is classic adventure stuff.
*When reintroduced as a continuing character, much was made of the fact that no one knew who this mysterious person called the Saint actually was and much energy was spent by the police trying to pin the vigilante campaign on Simon. Of course, when he wrote MEET THE TIGER, Leslie Charteris did not quite know what he was letting out of the bottle or that the Saint would frolic for many decades to come. It's an inconsistency that really can't be explained; eliminating all the Saint references and images from MEET THE TIGER would sadly weaken the book. One final note, the little trademark haloed stick figure makes no appearance here. _
submitted by dr_hermes to pulpheroes [link] [comments]


2014.05.19 03:49 DookieNOOB Help translate or rationalise these thoughts

I've lost my soulmate. Not just a partner but someone who's admittedly been more comfortable around me than another person in her life, the same feelings I've felt and still feel for her. 27, male, live in Aus.
These are my heartfelt most inner feelings... For any Aussie slang I apologise but these are my thoughts and feelings, not changing it to suit regional dialect.
Writing shit down is meant to help, that's what if read anyway... I did what I could for you taking you away for weekends, being there for you when stuff was bad and would always listen to you about your problems, just like you did the same and told you everything and anything. I feel like I was just the little dog who'd wait for you to say it was ok to see you, when I could come up, in total and complete love. I know I'm mostly to blame for that. So many issues started last year because people u knew wouldn't go out and I did and would get drunk on the weekends. You would hate me going out and would fight about it but suddenly everything turned around this year and all of a sudden it was fine to go out and get drunk, it was fine to go party because you had people to go with. I realised it caused problems and would spend weekends with you instead, the times you were happy staying at home, going to movies or dinner or going out to the beach with me were the best. Wish I got the chance to meet this kind of you last year, we would have had so much fun going out getting drunk, going out to pubs and clubs, acting like the fools we are laughing our heads off, it would have been heaps of fun. Kinda like the time at the beery except I wasn't drunk, you were smashed and lasted about an hour until we bailed back to yours lol. You even gave me head hahaha. I've done some shitty things and said shitty things to you too. I know I'd get drunk, walk up to your house and say things that I regret, the best thing about it was that you were smart enough to know I was a fuckwit and not saying anything until later. I made some bad decisions when we started, I lied about getting drunk but that's the worst thing I lied about, and really if I wanted to go out and have fun with friends, blow off a little steam I don't know what the big issue was. I wouldn't buy you flowers every few weeks because I was sorry like you would say, it was for love. I wanted to spend nights in your arms because I loved you and liked surprising you like that, even driving to ur dads that time before the gym and surprised you mmmm. As soon as people came along it would ruin everything because whatever we had was littered with jealousy. Calling me a pathological liar isn't right and in reality with everything you accused me of there was nothing that you could or will ever find or prove because it's not true. You say 'things will come out eventually' well, you'll be waiting a long long time and then longer again because there's nothing to come out. I remember a lot, more than you think I do and take in a whole lot more than you think and I say I do. I remember the shit times and what was said but mostly remember all the good times, the great time we shared. I'm sorry how thing ended up, the way you feel towards me now and all the time, love, money, energy and everything else that went into whatever we were. I hate the situation I'm in with no money, car, licence and a criminal record but at the end of the days it's my fault. I started to write this note in my phone because I'm in so much heart ache and pain and need to get it off my chest, I'm crippled by it and I'm not a hard ass by any means. Not even you will ever probably see this and it's just to remind me, that even though I love you so much and you're my whole world and I care about you more than anyone else on this earth, I crave the touch of your lips on mine, your fingers interlocked with mine, your head on my chest, leg over leg, feeling your breath on my skin and your love in my heart, that everything happens for a reason even if I can't come to terms and can't accept or want to accept it. I don't think I'll ever find out why we met, why we're so good for each other but can be so bad, why we felt that internal feeling of comfort, safety and a feeling of being as one and in complete love, just another thing I guess will never be answered. I've never been so comfortable with someone that I've poured my heart out, left it completely open and been able to lay naked with the light on beside a person. I haven't done 1/2 the things that I've done for you to anyone else and won't either. I can't even talk to another girl that might show interest and if that ever happens all I'm going to do is think how she never measures up to you, in any way possible. I've go to come to the realisation that you're moving on, you're going to find another guy and you're both going to lay in the same bed we did and talk about the same things, watch the same movies, say 'I love you' and then go to sleep. It makes me hurt so much just thinking about it.
On my way to dads listening to hardstyles, ear phones in looking out the window completely emotionless, forgetting I'm ever looking out the window. How can this be good for anyone or anything, I'm racking my brains trying to make sense of it all. Nothing. Pinterest gave me a heap of idea for my tatt, is does have an upside apart from recipes I've found. The tatts covering my skippy and will be a 1/2 sleeve. Signifying a change in direction, that time's precious but never wasted. It's going to get people talking and the best thing about it is that everyone will understand it's meaning but no one will ever know that's it's also so I can always carry a memory of us. Shit, guess I do have some emotions, tears, lucky I'm wearing sunnies - I look like the terminator. Fuck this...
I just ate a whole pizza and can't stop farting, Steph (step mum) is fishing for buscapan, I'm telling her it's fine and then she says it's ok I have colitis, I know what it's like. Yeah thanks Steph it's not your fault but thanks, just a reminder of the person I love. The cats won't stop sniffing my bag n putting their heads an it just realised why. I'd have Rubs smell on it and my trackie dacks.
Laying here on dads couch, him and Steph have gone to sleep, watching something on foxtel about deadly animals. Resisting the urge with every bit of self control I have to msg you a msg I'm so use to sending every night, one that's part of a normal routine before bed 'goodnight babe, love you'. I haven't said it to you but I'm thinking it, I don't think you'd be thinking the same thing, you're probably at work rushed off you're feet, you could be out at pulse or in your room, could be anywhere. Maybe you're thinking about me. Maybe not. Why is love so cruel. Another 2 panadine forte, that should help, maybe a Valium wouldn't go astray. Just learnt that a Komodo dragon can smell rotting flesh from up to 11kms away with their tongue, weight up to 130kgs and 3m long. Also the irukandji jelly fish is as small as the human nail and has tentacles up to 1m long. It's sting is worse than the box jelly fish and often people don't know they've been stung until 30mins. Heart rate can triple, blood pressure double (known as irukandji syndrome) body aches everywhere and victims can stroke out or have a heart attack. Getting snapchats of people at the pub. Don't like that place anymore, shit karaoke singers.y
submitted by DookieNOOB to depression [link] [comments]


2014.05.07 14:04 angrycircle [TR] Birthday card for my mom (eng-kor)

Hi everyone. Would really appreciate if someone could help translate a birthday card message I want to write in my mom's card. A casual tone is preferred (but no slang please!). I realize words like 'best friend' and 'soulmate' are not easily translatable so they are fine to be left in English -the translation doesn't have to be too word for word, as long as the message and tone is translated :) Thanks very much in advance!
Happy birthday to my wisest teacher, best friend, and cheapest therapist! My respect for you is the same as your love for me - endless. I am the luckiest daughter in the world. I love you!
submitted by angrycircle to Korean [link] [comments]